I'm having connection issues AGAIN. Comcast disavows all knowledge of any problem laying the blame on my equipment. Even after I said - I just replaced all my equipment less than a month ago the first person told me my equipment wasn't good enough or was possibly old. Even after I explained what I had, nope probably not good enough.

Finally it ended with - we can't see a problem, but if you have a sudden drop in your connection call us. I told them -that's exactly what I did! Sudden connection drop and I called and you're telling me that there is no issue, but if I see an issue call.

Someone suggested I call Netgear so they are trying work out why I have such a huge drop going from a wired to wireless connection.

Edit -oh so now Netgear is saying I need to replace the router and if I'm still having issues it might be a problem with the modem. Or the internet connection.

Lovely.

So, it's been a month.

It was an age ago, a lifetime, a different world. Thinking about that day makes me cry, but I generally don't think about it beyond "this is a horrible thing that happened in my past, but I live in a different world now."

It honestly feels like I am a different person. That's probably a standard reaction to trauma. I try to open the pressure valve a little bit on a regular basis, let the pain out for a bit, then close the valve back down and move on with my plans and my life.

I read stories about women (I haven't read stories about widowers, I don't know if their reaction is the same) who are years farther along this journey who still have problems functioning. I suppose the first crisis where I would have run to him will test me. A large part of me, though, has shaken herself and straightened up, standing alone. My capacity for unemotional practicality has always worried me a little. I can be very ruthless. I suppose all I can do is watch the valve and keep moving.

I'm guessing you'll feel lots of different things.

I come from a line of practical people. You go forward, even in sorrow, pain , confusion. Your way of dealing makes sense to me, Connie. I have a co-worker that lost her husband - and, at least from what I can see, her reactions look similar.

I suspect , like erikaj said, you'll be feeling a lot of different things

One thing I know is, you can't force your own process. You can block it up... but I think people who do that, may need to, for whatever reason. Anyway, there is very little you can do in grieving that is wrong. What's right this month may not be the same as what's right next month.

WS is right, there's no right way or wrong way to grieve. You don't owe anything to anybody.

There's no Officially Approved 3-Sigma Process for Grief, you know? Despite the Kubler-Ross Stages model or anything else, everyone goes through it their own way, in their own time. Personally, I don't think there's any reason for you to be worried about being unemotionally practical. Being practical and ruthless doesn't mean not feeling the grief. That's how you handle it; that's who you are.

After many years of hearing "don't you ever get upset" and such things I came to understand that some people are taken back with the practical exterior.

Just yesterday I once again pointed out to Brendon that yes, I do feel all the feels, it is just that breaking down or flying into a rage serves no useful purpose for me, and in fact makes things worse, not better.

We all have to process how we process.

I do feel all the feels, it is just that breaking down or flying into a rage serves no useful purpose for me, and in fact makes things worse, not better.

Yes, this! I've had well-meaning people I love tell me not to be afraid to cry etc., and I don't tell them that all crying gives me is a headache. Hell knows I've cried and wept and berated the universe. In private and briefly. But really, one foot in front of the other, with a destination in mind, is how I roll.

At the risk of quoting a facebook thingy. "Normal is a setting on the wash machine". Do what ya gotta do, to keep both feet on the wheel... er, hands. Yeah, both hands on the wheel.