It's a pretty house, Laura, in a great location. I don't see why you should have any trouble selling it.

I'm really encouraged by the response today. So many positive comments.

Please flood the universe with buy~it~ma!

I am so ready to get moved and pay off the damn mortgage.

zen I'm glad your vision is better.

Laura I hope the house sells well.

Work was okay. Although I pissed off a customer and I didn't mean to. I thought she and her friend came in through the back door and I went up to greet her and ask if she needs help and she launches in about the state of the bathroom.

"Have you been in your bathroom lately? It's filthy and disgusting. IBlah Blah". I was taken aback because I was just in there and I was really upset that it was in bad shape so I told her, I didn't realize, but that I had been in about an hour ago but I would check it out. " Look at the handicap stall it's horrible!!"

Okay. so I went to check it out except to find feces smeared on the wall or something. The first two stalls were taken, the third looked fine, so into the handicap stall where I found instead of using a seat cover someone put down toliet paper and then didn't flush it. So it was still on the seat and there were some pieces of toilet paper on the floor. So I got some more toilet paper and used that to push everything in the toilet and pick up the pieces and flushed it. Then I went and washed my hands and realized the counters were really wet and had soap on them, so I cleaned them up a bit and washed my hands.

I wasn't looking for the customer so I saw her and she was standing with her back to me so I started to say "Ma'am, you were right about the bathroom but it's been taken care of" only as soon as she saw me her head snapped back front, she threw her hand behind her palm up and said "Don't talk to me!!! I don't want to see you!"

Okay whatever.

Then I had to go and ask the sales guy helping her for the keys so when I approached him she started shooting daggers at me (at least I think, I didn't really look at her).

Then some other lady had a fit over sales tax. I guess they live in NH or on the border. She actually asked me "How can your store even stay in business and compete with no sales tax." I told her we're the only store in Vermont and being about 1 1/2 away from the nearest NH store usually means the gas costs more than the sales tax.

I think some people want me to join them in an anti sales tax thing, I usually say I'm originally from Florida and the sales tax in my hometown is 7.5% so 7% feels like a discount!

I'm having connection issues AGAIN. Comcast disavows all knowledge of any problem laying the blame on my equipment. Even after I said - I just replaced all my equipment less than a month ago the first person told me my equipment wasn't good enough or was possibly old. Even after I explained what I had, nope probably not good enough.

Finally it ended with - we can't see a problem, but if you have a sudden drop in your connection call us. I told them -that's exactly what I did! Sudden connection drop and I called and you're telling me that there is no issue, but if I see an issue call.

Someone suggested I call Netgear so they are trying work out why I have such a huge drop going from a wired to wireless connection.

Edit -oh so now Netgear is saying I need to replace the router and if I'm still having issues it might be a problem with the modem. Or the internet connection.

Lovely.

So, it's been a month.

It was an age ago, a lifetime, a different world. Thinking about that day makes me cry, but I generally don't think about it beyond "this is a horrible thing that happened in my past, but I live in a different world now."

It honestly feels like I am a different person. That's probably a standard reaction to trauma. I try to open the pressure valve a little bit on a regular basis, let the pain out for a bit, then close the valve back down and move on with my plans and my life.

I read stories about women (I haven't read stories about widowers, I don't know if their reaction is the same) who are years farther along this journey who still have problems functioning. I suppose the first crisis where I would have run to him will test me. A large part of me, though, has shaken herself and straightened up, standing alone. My capacity for unemotional practicality has always worried me a little. I can be very ruthless. I suppose all I can do is watch the valve and keep moving.

I'm guessing you'll feel lots of different things.

I come from a line of practical people. You go forward, even in sorrow, pain , confusion. Your way of dealing makes sense to me, Connie. I have a co-worker that lost her husband - and, at least from what I can see, her reactions look similar.

I suspect , like erikaj said, you'll be feeling a lot of different things

One thing I know is, you can't force your own process. You can block it up... but I think people who do that, may need to, for whatever reason. Anyway, there is very little you can do in grieving that is wrong. What's right this month may not be the same as what's right next month.

WS is right, there's no right way or wrong way to grieve. You don't owe anything to anybody.

There's no Officially Approved 3-Sigma Process for Grief, you know? Despite the Kubler-Ross Stages model or anything else, everyone goes through it their own way, in their own time. Personally, I don't think there's any reason for you to be worried about being unemotionally practical. Being practical and ruthless doesn't mean not feeling the grief. That's how you handle it; that's who you are.