I'm sorry it's a hard night, Connie.
When we landed here you said you needed a few days to get space worthy again and is there somethin' wrong with your bunk?
Mal ,'Out Of Gas'
Spike's Bitches 48: I Say, We Go Out There, and Kick a Little Demon Ass.
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risqué (and frisqué), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
Burrell - Jul 13, 2014 6:50:40 pm PDT #12197 of 30002
Why did Darth Vader cross the road? To get to the Dark Side!
Connie Neil - Jul 13, 2014 6:54:16 pm PDT #12198 of 30002
brillig
It feels like forever, but it hasn't even been two weeks yet.
sj - Jul 13, 2014 7:00:40 pm PDT #12199 of 30002
"There are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea."
I'm sorry, Connie. Grief is sneaky that way, it comes and goes in waves.
sarameg - Jul 13, 2014 7:11:19 pm PDT #12200 of 30002
There will be times when it feels like 2 seconds ago moments after you feel like you've gotten so far forward and beyond, it's ok. Sucks unbelievably. Try your best not to beat yourself up for feeling whatever you feel, but resenting the hell out of it all is to be expected.
Connie Neil - Jul 13, 2014 7:32:33 pm PDT #12201 of 30002
brillig
I sleep with the light on. But I always did when he wasn't there. There are worse things in the world than not being able to wake up in the dark alone.
WindSparrow - Jul 13, 2014 8:41:19 pm PDT #12202 of 30002
Love is stronger than death and harder than sorrow. Those who practice it are fierce like the light of stars traveling eons to pierce the night.
It feels like forever, but it hasn't even been two weeks yet.
Time gets to be very wibbly wobbly after a loss. Awareness of the passage of time can be weird. "It has been 5000 minutes. It has now been 5001 minutes. I should feel differently. I should feel something about this time. No, that's silly. The time doesn't matter. There are only two times. Before This Death and After This Death. It has now been 5002... no make that 5007 minutes. Wait, what happened to minutes 5003-5006? Did I really just lose them by thinking this crap?"
Connie Neil - Jul 14, 2014 8:09:07 am PDT #12203 of 30002
brillig
Interesting psychological insight: I'm needing to learn to do things competently just for myself, instead of for the approval of someone else. I've always had that issue, that my own satisfaction is not sufficient reason to do something.
edited because English to make sentences good.
Liese S. - Jul 14, 2014 8:12:46 am PDT #12204 of 30002
"Faded like the lilac, he thought."
Yeah, that's an important one to learn. Hard, though. Especially because we get societal conditioning to depreciate our capabilities.
Connie Neil - Jul 14, 2014 8:27:01 am PDT #12205 of 30002
brillig
He was such a big personality. I consciously let him take the lead, because being with him was so much more fun than constantly insisting that he back off occasionally. He didn't know how, to the frustration of nearly everyone who knew him.
It's kind of nice not to have to explain why I'm driving a particular route instead of a route that makes more sense to him. He was constantly trying to understand my brain, and it frustrated him when I said "I'm doing this just because this is the way I'm doing it."
Frustrating, magnificent man.
Laura - Jul 14, 2014 8:45:22 am PDT #12206 of 30002
Our wings are not tired.
That is a big one for DH too. It was easier for me to get him used to me doing things my own way though because we started out when I was 34 and he was 23. The thing I always said was, "you have 2 choices; you can drive or I can drive, but me driving your way isn't one of the options." In our case it was generally the keyboard we were talking about driving because we worked on computer systems together. He wants to stand over me and say, "type this." Makes me crazy.
It is going to take a bit to get your bearings, Connie. Oh how I wish it could be an easier road.