Connie, I'm sure your right in what you said earlier. He wouldn't have wanted any of this to be a big hassle for you.

Sending you much strength, Connie.

End of the work day. Working has helped, but now the darkness off the work set is creeping in again, reminding me of what's not at home waiting for me.

My bosses told me they were surprised to see me. I'm apparently getting a rep for toughness. Department head observed that he can understand that staying home staring at the walls isn't a good thing. They're being wonderful. I got fair warning that we've got a big update coming in two weeks, with a gentle hint that I'm going to have to tough it out.

I keep thinking I should be worrying about how "well" I'm coping. I keep telling myself that it's unique to everyone, but I'm worrying that I'm only delaying some breakdown in the future. Then I think of the next 20 years of everything we'll miss together, and that breakdown isn't very future any more.

I wonder who installed those Puritans in my head, who twit me for not grieving "correctly." The mindgames that get me through the day are not a copout, I don't have to keep poking my fingers in the wound. It's barely been four days.

What you feel is what you feel...definitely don't give yourself a hard time for not being more of basket case.

I keep thinking I should be worrying about how "well" I'm coping. I keep telling myself that it's unique to everyone, but I'm worrying that I'm only delaying some breakdown in the future. Then I think of the next 20 years of everything we'll miss together, and that breakdown isn't very future any more.

I'm not sure if the longview is your friend right now. There's so much to process emotionally, especially early on that I think it helps to just focus on the day and coping mechanisms and things like that.

Whatever gets you through the night is all right. Whatever works. Personally (and I know I'm not alone in this) but doing something physical was the best way to process my grief. If the idea of exercise is torture then walking outside might be enough. The thing though is that you don't want to just be spinning in your head and sinking in your heart. You can divert yourself by doing something physical and that gives you some relief.

But really, I'd recommend that you look for nothing but coping strategies right now. Because this is still the hardest part and you need to support yourself as best you can.

If you run out of Castle, then some comfort reading like Terry Pratchett perhaps. Doing something with your hands. Try to think of something that won't have you staring up at the ceiling in the dark.

I wonder who installed those Puritans in my head, who twit me for not grieving "correctly." The mindgames that get me through the day are not a copout, I don't have to keep poking my fingers in the wound. It's barely been four days.

That wound is going to be raw for a while. Still very fresh. The right way to grieve is take care of yourself and let your body and heart and head sort through it at its own pace. Don't push yourself. The opposite. Pamper yourself as best you can. This is hard.

Being strong doesn't keep you from feeling the loss. You go through it, and you do that at your own pace.

Nodding Plastic Phil is surprisingly comforting.

edit: The scene in Captain America where Sam is working with the support group was soothing as well. It may be fictional, but that doesn't make it less true.

Coming in late to add my condolences and send my love. This virtual but very real place is a magical space, in the best sense of the word. I have marked several posts full of wisdom for when I and others need them.

Brackets to all who need and want them. Connie, your posts are full of a heavy grace. I am so sorry for the loss of your marvelous Viking. Peace to you and all who loved him.

Connie, there is no right. There is no normal. Like David, I did physical things for distraction. Very long walks on the beach with my doberman. Also, being the practical person that I apparently am, I would cry in the shower. I'd only have to let my mind go there, and the floodgates would open where it was more convenient. I thought it might lesson the need to sob elsewhere.

Somebody sent me a blank tweet today. Is he flouncing, or what?

I'm a shower cryer too. I'm guessing it will come and go - like waves, but maybe not so regular. I think doing stuff -work, walks , rereading, having favorite movies around, etc make sense.

I'm glad work made sense while you were there today