sj, I am very sad that that delightful personage does not see your heart and your love. I am trying to practice compassion and dig beneath the layers to imagine why this person would rather see wrong which is not there than see the truth, but my desire to slap some sense into her on your behalf is getting in my way.

It mainly all comes down to the fact that I don't work, which yes she obviously knew that would cut and it does. Of course, neither does she.

Sounds like someone's projecting her own issues a tad...

Sounds like someone's projecting her own issues a tad...

Yeah, that is what I was thinking.

Yes, please, Teppy.

You got it.

I was inappropriately excited about opening my gifts at my bridal shower

Ah, but if you had been "less excited" (by whatever standard that could possibly be measured) then you would have been "ungrateful" and not really wanting to get married.

This sounds like a situation where you cannot possibly win. Which is massively unfair.

This sounds like a situation where you cannot possibly win. Which is massively unfair.

Yes, it is very much this. It's exhausting spending every meeting with someone carefully watching every word that comes out of your mouth, because several years later those words will be twisted around and used against you.

And bonny, I didn't see your original post before it got deleted, but I am glad you have found a way to have a little peace today. You are absolutely not dragging this thread down.

I am now on vacation, having strategically mentioned my time-off request at certain junctures in the "can you pick up these extra shifts?" conversation. I have worked double shifts, I have come in on my days off, I have stayed later so as not to leave brand new staff alone during times when challenging behaviors are likely to occur, I have allowed them to pull me from a house which has plenty of people to cover extra shifts so that I can work extra days at a house which has lost all but two of its veteran staff (there is someone who has been there for about a year and a half, and there is me who has been there for almost 8 years). It is the most stressful house to work at in the best of times. But if there is one thing I am learning it is that it is truly very good for my balance and morale to get back to my regular rotation as soon as possible.

This is the second time since December that this house has had a large number of staff leave. SOME of it is due to what I see as short-sighted company policy (they are trying to save money on benefits by hiring two part-timers whenever a full-timer leaves, but do not seem to be reckoning on the amount of money they spend on overtime and throw away on training due to greater turn over of part-timers). SOME of this is due to poor management skills by the new supervisor (Hiring a mother and daughter to work at the same location, then firing the mother? Did you expect the daughter to stay? Just because there is no policy against having family members working together does not mean it is a good idea. Oh, and this business of spending only one day a week at the house? Not really working out for you, is it? How can you oversee things that you cannot see?)

If this house has another mass-migration of staff this year, I will approach supervisors at my other locations to ask for more hours elsewhere. I do not need this kind of stress.

Sj,

A friend of mine had a grandmother who said: "don't let anyone steal your joy" and I think about that phrase in the myriad ways is is applicable.

Your situation is definitely one. People, especially the ill-intentioned ones, are going to read into your actions what they want. If the people you most love and trust are on your side, that is what counts.

It's exhausting spending every meeting with someone carefully watching every word that comes out of your mouth, because several years later those words will be twisted around and used against you.

I have a couple people like this in my life, and my basic strategy is to just not care what I say. If even the most innocuous thing can be used against me, then it doesn't really matter whether I'm perfectly sweet or entirely bitchy -- the result will be the same.

How bad would the fallout be if you told her that she's free to believe what she wants but you honestly don't care about her opinion?