I've barely eaten in over 24 hours, but it's hard to make myself eat. I keep wanting to throw up, and I know I have to force myself to eat.

I think I'm going to go see Captain America again. I wish a fannish person were nearby that I could take with me. I've got people who would go with me, but I need a slightly more removed grief at the moment. I need a rent-a-geek.

I think I understand where agoraphobia comes from. My foundation is missing, and I'm afraid to step off the porch. I keep telling myself that these first few days are going to be the worst, that I am strong, I can live mostly on my own. But here in the middle of it, it's hard to breathe.

Would it be better with kids? I'd have people around me, but I'd be suffering their grief, too. We're having his wake in a couple of weeks.

Oh, how it sneaks up on you. To my sisters in this strange and horrible tribe, I'm sorry for making wounds new. But seeing that you've made it farther on this road is a comfort to me.

I'm sorry Connie. I wish one of us were closer to go to the movies with you.

Connie I'm so sorry. I just want to echo what everyone else has said.

I wish i could go with you

I'm sorry, Connie. A movie sounds like a good idea. And if eating's difficult, perhaps a smoothie or a milkshake would go down a little easier? There'd be calories and a bit of nutrition, and it might be easier on your stomach than a sandwich.

I so wish that I were closer so that I could be with you. the tributes on Hubby's FB page are so very moving. He clearly touched so many lives.

Whatever you need, when you figure out what that might be, know so many are here for you.

I'm 20 years down that road, Connie. You will make it.

(I just realized, it's 20 years this year. I still dream of her every now and then. I always said I was okay, and it finally became true.)

I wish I was anywhere nearby Connie. But all I can do is send my sympathy and wishes.

For a few days, eat if you can but you'll live if you don't. After a couple of days, you absolutely need to keep up strength. But a day or two? I wouldn't force things. Eat what is easy mentally and physically.

Would it be better with kids? I'd have people around me, but I'd be suffering their grief, too. We're having his wake in a couple of weeks.

I think kids make things more communal but you are dealing with their grief too. Losing Dad, I tried to be a comfort or help to my stepMom but I was devastated. I couldn't really do anything but feel pain and loss. Maybe we shared that. Maybe it was hard for her to see. I don't really know.

When my Mom died it was easier to be with friends who had some of that remove you mentioned, Connie. Because with my own family we each were trying to process our grief but also trying to tend to each other. And it's not really possible to do both at the same time.

I took comfort from spending time with my best friend's girlfriend. I knew she was sad but not devastated by mom's death, so she was emotionally synced up with me but didn't need special attention.

It's very strange when you first enter the landscape of grief. It is a whole place emotionally where you've never been before.

You'll forget they're gone, and turn to them for comfort even though they are the person you've lost.

And you'll learn that grief is different from loss, and from sadness and from depression.

It's very exhausting at first. Very physical. And it all feels very unreal and strange.

How can it be that the world that they were here so recently and now gone forever? Very difficult for the mind and heart to grasp that.