Laura, TCG is going with me, but neither of us want to be back in that ultrasound room right now.

So I learned this past week that my brother's thought processes are completely alien to me. And that I'm not wrong he does take a detached, lecture-y, condsending tone when he talks to me.

I also learned that I don't think we'll ever be able to have a civil conversation that lasts more than 2 minutes.

Also he believes that anyone can change if they want to bad enough, everyone is motivated to change by painful consequences (I tried to say that someone could be motivated to change for positive reasons and he spun it to negative). He doesn't want my nephew to give up doing anything, I was explicitly told when we were playing Uno that I wasn't allowed to end hte game if he got bored because my brother doesn't want him learning he can just give up on something because he doesn't like it. Or something like that.

Talent isn't a real thing. And anyone can do anything they just need to stop thinking negatively and make a change.

And even though we don't talk he seems to know I'm completely unhealthy and I'm going to die young.

"Great. Then, I guess we're done." But I can be a bitch like that.

All that makes him sound like his ego is super defended--almost barricaded--against others/change/pain/whatever. Must be a lot of anxiety and pain to put up such a radical defense. I'm sorry his defenses end up hurting you too, but please know they are not about you, askye. You've done nothing wrong.

Burrell, I know that. I even tried to tell him that but it just got him frustrated because I was "trying to take responsiblity for something that wasn't about me" or I was making it all about me. I wasn't I was trying to say, our home life wasn't great, a lot of it had to do with my illness, my brother's feelings and emotions got shunted to the side and it sucks but it also informs how we react to things today.

But he told me that wasn't how he is. He doesn't let the past influence him.

We've agreed that it would be good if I regularly Skyped with my nephew and we're going to work on times and just start small. I'm hoping that will help.

I'm also going to find some information about the 2 chronic illnesses I deal with and email them to him so he can read them if he wants. If he doesn't then he doesn't.

As long as you know that, askye, that's what's important. He might have a hard time seeing past his defenses.

askye, it took my brother a long time to finally concede that both my nephew and my son suffer from ADD/ADHD. I mean, close to 30 years of observing them before it finally sank in. There may still be hope for your brother.

sj, I am so sorry.

bonny, I'm glad you have all those good memories of Niki and sorry that the visit didn't go well.

I'm just going to curl up in a corner of the thread, don't mind me.

Hands smonster a pillow to make her corner comfy.

Much much ~ma for Kara, smonster.