Either way, I think going into it saying "Well, if you turn out to be that special someone, we can take it up a notch, but I'm not looking for special right now" does no one any benefit.
That's basically what I meant.
Fire bad. Tree pretty.
Buffy ,'Chosen'
Spike's Bitches 48: I Say, We Go Out There, and Kick a Little Demon Ass.
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risqué (and frisqué), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
Zenkitty - Jun 17, 2013 7:41:08 am PDT #1002 of 30002
Every now and then, I think I might actually be a little odd.
§ ita § - Jun 17, 2013 8:04:35 am PDT #1003 of 30002
Well not canonically, no, but this is transformative fiction.
What's the best way to differentiate themselves from people who are looking for relationships right now? How else should smonster know this isn't worth a gamble, since her motivation is different, and human nature's predisposition to hang on to "special someone" (as in, "that could be me! it will be me!" or "why wasn't it me????") would lead me to not even bring it up.
What's important, for me (since I'm not ever looking for a relationship) is that the guy not gamble anything on the chance that he changes my mind. Anything could happen in the future, but if me saying "well, sure, if you're Prince Charming" runs a high risk of hurting him now or later, I'm not going to say it--and I don't owe it to him either.
Laura - Jun 17, 2013 8:24:19 am PDT #1004 of 30002
Our wings are not tired.
DH and I were completely and absolutely not interested in a relationship when we first dated. He was graduating and I was grieving. Not even remotely interested. That was more than 25 years ago.
Scrappy - Jun 17, 2013 8:34:08 am PDT #1005 of 30002
Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
That's the problem, isn't it? DH was not interested in a relationship either when we met. Sometimes, we don't know what we want.
§ ita § - Jun 17, 2013 8:52:58 am PDT #1006 of 30002
Well not canonically, no, but this is transformative fiction.
Just think how pissed we'd be at someone for effectively leading smonster on, if really they were...not feeling a relationship and hadn't been from the start--no mark against her, it's just who they are. This is important to her, and I think she should have all the information up front to make relationship decisions. If she wants to take the gamble, fine. But at least she knows she's gambling, and has a better idea of the odds.
Laura - Jun 17, 2013 9:28:57 am PDT #1007 of 30002
Our wings are not tired.
I agree completely. It just seems a whole lot of people I know in long term relationships weren't looking for that to happen at the beginning.
§ ita § - Jun 17, 2013 9:42:01 am PDT #1008 of 30002
Well not canonically, no, but this is transformative fiction.
It just seems a whole lot of people I know in long term relationships weren't looking for that to happen at the beginning.
But I bet the number of people not in long term relationships and aren't looking for it is even bigger. The exceptions are more memorable than entire lifestyles. I've probably said "no" enough times to make up for every exception listed here so far, and then some.
Nora Deirdre - Jun 17, 2013 10:47:45 am PDT #1009 of 30002
I’m responsible for my own happiness? I can’t even be responsible for my own breakfast! (Bojack Horseman)
I remember having this conversation before when discussing St. W and I feel weird having it again. I don't know how else to describe my flinching, but I'm pretty sure I'm standing in ita's corner. I don't know how helpful it is to give wonderful examples of how we found our wonderful soulmates because.... of.... reasons? Note: I am much more guilty of this in many, many in-person conversations than anyone else (I am assuming) so I don't want to sound judgy and attacking, because that's so not what I'm meaning to do.
I just feel very uncomfortable providing anything that looks like false hope with what I know are the best of intentions.
Ugh, I'm not saying this right.
Laura - Jun 17, 2013 10:52:08 am PDT #1010 of 30002
Our wings are not tired.
I understand, Nora. You're not being judgy.
brenda m - Jun 17, 2013 10:56:55 am PDT #1011 of 30002
If you're going through hell/keep on going/don't slow down/keep your fear from showing/you might be gone/'fore the devil even knows you're there
Nora - let's say someone was noodling on a trip to NO sometime around mid-September. There's a really good deal right now for the French Quarter Wyndham. ($169 for two nights.) Is that a reasonablish place to stay or should I wait to see what else might come along?
Link in case anyone else is interested: [link]