I did the stupid things. My fuck-ups were epic. There'd be poems and songs, but I'm trying to keep it quiet. Some things I regret. Some... I dunno. If I'd known at the time what my choices would lead to, I wouldn't have done those things. But if I hadn't, I wouldn't be here now. I might be someplace better, but who knows. I do wish that, if I was going to waste my twenties (in the sense of not getting started on a career or grad school or something sensible) I wish I'd wasted it traveling and doing useless artsy stuff, instead of wasting it on someone who never loved me.

House-ma Nora!

If only I could go back in time and jump a certain guy's bones. So what if he had a girlfriend!

ETA to protect me from him Googling himself.

The FACE LASERS have been about trying to take a hit out on my rosacea. Doesn't seem to be working.

And definitely, it's the things I didn't do (including things I didn't even think of or seriously consider, like "why didn't I up and roam around the world after college instead of trying to get a job" or whatever) that I regret. Even if there are some very awkward "I'll regret it if I don't at least try" moments that occasionally float to the surface of my memory and make me cringe horribly.

Regrets. I have a few. And not too few to mention, either. Still, I'm enjoying a lot about my current life: a decent job, the ability to schedule and pay for summer vacation somewhere near Lake Michigan, my cat, my garden, etc. Would I like someone to pay me to wander around Europe and drink wine in charming cafes? Sure. But until that happens, my current situation's pretty good.

House~ma, Nora!

I did a LOT of stupid stuff in my youth but I don't have a lot of regrets. And my attempts to be practical and responsible have rarely worked out well for me, so maybe I should just go with my strengths...

House~ma! Closing that chapter would be good.

There are plenty of things I would do differently given age and wisdom, but I am not convinced I would be in a better place. We are in the end the sum of our choices and experiences and there is no going back. I'm trying to make better choices going forward. And I am suddenly reminded of dude in 'Prelude to a Kiss' saying if he had it to do over he would floss regularly.

Also, why is Manson being denied parole breaking news?

I try pretty insistently to like the age I am, whatever that age is, but there is definitely some exchange in the balance. But right now is a pretty good point. House, job, husband, dog. And I managed to make that where I'm still pretty random. I used to get stir crazy with the five year desk job. But this job has enough crazy built in, that I don't need to generate any to stay interested.

I am terrified of old age, though. I am scared of the loss of physical and mental faculties, and the way people treat old people. I don't have kids or a particularly robust plan for retirement and I know the government will not be there for me (at least in the form of social security, which I've been paying into all this time), so I feel like it's a fairly insecure future.

I always was more scared of old age than death. In my rocker years I just figured I'd die early, and that was my plan. I felt a bit like Chris in Northern Exposure, looking at a bottle of heart pills, and frightened of a whole new unexpected span of time.

Because with Olbermann off the air, nobody is pushing management for those flashing "No Shit" banners anymore? truth: they're starfuckers.

I did the stupid things. My fuck-ups were epic.

Yeah, me too. I think I've got a lot of you covered in the Doing Stupid Things department.

But there's a big difference between just being a bonehead and doing things that challenge or scare you. I found it equally easy to be a bonehead and to challenge myself when I was younger, but now that I'm a bonehead less often, I don't think I challenge myself as much as I should.

This reminds me that I need to plan my next vacation.