If my parents didn't hear I hate you from me, they definitely heard it from my siblings. During my adolescence, there were daily screaming matches between someone, either between siblings or between parent/child. I used to just hide in my room most of the time (unless I was involved in said screaming match.) I think I spent a year pretending I didn't have siblings.

It's exhausting parenting your parent from a relatively early age, even when you don't realize that's the position you've been manipulated into. It's just normal, for you.

That's why going to therapy last year and seeing the discussion about ACOA here was so strange for me. I had no idea that it wasn't what everyone did. (This is particularly fresh in my mind right now, because last night kinda sucked and I had a "I am feeling overwhelmed but I have to keep it together because my role is to take care of things and not make anyone worry" freak-out. And then I emailed my therapist to see if she has any openings in her schedule, 'cos maybe I need to start seeing her again, maybe) t /mememe me this post may self-destruct soon I don't know

I am sure " I hat e you " or I want a new mom was said. But I can't even remember who said it when . I don't remember it being a big deal. But I also remember beig taught that hate was a big word, and not to be used lightly ( yes , I still feel that hate is the word to use with baked beans) . I know I never ran away - because I couldn't figure out where to go.

Still finding it incredibly difficult, decades later, to express the anger I have towards my parents, even alone with my analyst. It’s THE issue that’s holding me back in therapy.

Casper went through a phase where she wrote me little hate mash notes, at about 5. My favorite was "you are a big fat hors[e]". The spelling was usually so adorable it was hard to be upset by them.

Dillo has a totally different way of relating. He's much more likely to say "everybody hates me" than "I hate you." Honestly, the latter is a lot easier to deal with as a parent.

I am sure I told my parents I hated them, more than once. I know I wrote a school paper in elementary school about how John Denver and Olivia Newton-John would be my preferred parents. But I never doubted they loved me or would take care of me, and they never made me feel like I should comfort them or hold it together because they couldn't. They saved all that up for now.

I never said "I hate you" to either parent. My mom I was never mad at, and my I feared my dad too much to say "I hate you." If I ever lost my temper near my dad he would get so angry he scared the shit out of me.

To this day I get extremely uncomfortable just being around an angry person (even if they're not angry at me).

It's exhausting parenting your parent from a relatively early age, even when you don't realize that's the position you've been manipulated into. It's just normal, for you.

Oh yeah. This was definitely my experience as well. My parents were kids when I was born (Mom was 18, Dad was 19). Of course, I didn't realize any of this until I was in my early 20s and then I got really REALLY pissed off. Though, in typical "kid parenting parent" form, I never let them know I was pissed. I just worked through it myself as always.

they never made me feel like I should comfort them or hold it together because they couldn't.

I know that my mom never meant to make me feel like that. And looking back, I can tell that my mom had some pretty serious depression and anxiety issues that never went addressed. I just have to learn that I don't have to hold everything together all the time. I used to joke that Pete was the one with all the control issues in our relationship. Ha. At least I know better now.

But hey! My therapist emailed me back with an appointment opening, and one of my babygoths on Tumblr sent me a gift card to my favorite cupcake shop! So the day is looking up.

I think I probably said it, before the divorce, when it wasn't a big deal And after the divorce, when everything was a big deal and I ended up in counseling for it. (My brother should have gone, too, but he "seemed fine" at the time. I...don't come from a long line of psychics, let's just say that. But even my dad couldn't ignore me, aged twelve, at the top of my lungs saying that I wished they both would die, catching them fighting for the eleven-millionth time. But it was good...my therapist was disabled. Talking about that helped more, maybe. It was kind of a bigger secret...not the fact of it, but all the feels.