It's exhausting parenting your parent from a relatively early age, even when you don't realize that's the position you've been manipulated into. It's just normal, for you.

Oh, god, yes. Sometimes I have a hard time watching Tim's brother and SiL be with their kids, because they're so invested in their lives, and actually act like parents. It's a stark contrast to what my brother and I had.

(If I said "I hate you" to my mom, she would say "I hate you more" back to me and tell me to find somewhere else to live. Not an idle threat. So...yeah. The whole "I hate you" cake is as incomprehensible to me as Sanskrit.)

I can't remember telling my mom I hated her. I remember telling her she was embarrassing, and making her cry. I still feel terrible about that, 28 years later.

I just want to hug and hairpat so many of you.

I don't think I ever said, "I hate you," to my parents. I do remember threatening to run away once when I was 7 or so. Mom asked me which suitcase I'd like to take.

This was in the 70s, and none of the suitcases had wheels. So schlepping my books off to wherever was right out. Thus endeth the great running away of '74.

If my parents didn't hear I hate you from me, they definitely heard it from my siblings. During my adolescence, there were daily screaming matches between someone, either between siblings or between parent/child. I used to just hide in my room most of the time (unless I was involved in said screaming match.) I think I spent a year pretending I didn't have siblings.

It's exhausting parenting your parent from a relatively early age, even when you don't realize that's the position you've been manipulated into. It's just normal, for you.

That's why going to therapy last year and seeing the discussion about ACOA here was so strange for me. I had no idea that it wasn't what everyone did. (This is particularly fresh in my mind right now, because last night kinda sucked and I had a "I am feeling overwhelmed but I have to keep it together because my role is to take care of things and not make anyone worry" freak-out. And then I emailed my therapist to see if she has any openings in her schedule, 'cos maybe I need to start seeing her again, maybe) t /mememe me this post may self-destruct soon I don't know

I am sure " I hat e you " or I want a new mom was said. But I can't even remember who said it when . I don't remember it being a big deal. But I also remember beig taught that hate was a big word, and not to be used lightly ( yes , I still feel that hate is the word to use with baked beans) . I know I never ran away - because I couldn't figure out where to go.

Still finding it incredibly difficult, decades later, to express the anger I have towards my parents, even alone with my analyst. It’s THE issue that’s holding me back in therapy.

Casper went through a phase where she wrote me little hate mash notes, at about 5. My favorite was "you are a big fat hors[e]". The spelling was usually so adorable it was hard to be upset by them.

Dillo has a totally different way of relating. He's much more likely to say "everybody hates me" than "I hate you." Honestly, the latter is a lot easier to deal with as a parent.

I am sure I told my parents I hated them, more than once. I know I wrote a school paper in elementary school about how John Denver and Olivia Newton-John would be my preferred parents. But I never doubted they loved me or would take care of me, and they never made me feel like I should comfort them or hold it together because they couldn't. They saved all that up for now.