My mom was so insecure about not being my bio-mom I really couldn't say anything to her of a rebellious nature. But I thought it really loud. She was traumatically over-bonded to her mom and deathly afraid to express any rebellious or independence-seeking thoughts or emotions. Therefore she had no understanding that such thoughts or emotions were normal and natural. So if I "hated" her. Or wished I had another mom, it was because I didn't think she *was* my "real mom," not because I was having growing pains.

At the age where I was curious enough to search, she was so anxious and insecure about it, I didn't do it because it would have upset her so. Then later on, it wasn't something I was curious about.

It's exhausting parenting your parent from a relatively early age, even when you don't realize that's the position you've been manipulated into. It's just normal, for you.

I don't remember if I ever told either of my parents that I hated them. I'm betting I didn't, because I was very invested in being a Good Kid. Weird, but Good.

I don't think I ever told my parents I hated them (certainly not after age 4 when my memories start being regular and distinct, anyway). I don't recall our arguments ever getting personal like that even when heated, they were just about things we should do or not do.

My dad is kind of obsessive about saying "I love you," whenever I leave their house, but it does ensure that if one or the other of us should pass away in the other's absence, that'll be the last thing we said to each other.

It's exhausting parenting your parent from a relatively early age, even when you don't realize that's the position you've been manipulated into. It's just normal, for you.

Oh, god, yes. Sometimes I have a hard time watching Tim's brother and SiL be with their kids, because they're so invested in their lives, and actually act like parents. It's a stark contrast to what my brother and I had.

(If I said "I hate you" to my mom, she would say "I hate you more" back to me and tell me to find somewhere else to live. Not an idle threat. So...yeah. The whole "I hate you" cake is as incomprehensible to me as Sanskrit.)

I can't remember telling my mom I hated her. I remember telling her she was embarrassing, and making her cry. I still feel terrible about that, 28 years later.

I just want to hug and hairpat so many of you.

I don't think I ever said, "I hate you," to my parents. I do remember threatening to run away once when I was 7 or so. Mom asked me which suitcase I'd like to take.

This was in the 70s, and none of the suitcases had wheels. So schlepping my books off to wherever was right out. Thus endeth the great running away of '74.

If my parents didn't hear I hate you from me, they definitely heard it from my siblings. During my adolescence, there were daily screaming matches between someone, either between siblings or between parent/child. I used to just hide in my room most of the time (unless I was involved in said screaming match.) I think I spent a year pretending I didn't have siblings.

It's exhausting parenting your parent from a relatively early age, even when you don't realize that's the position you've been manipulated into. It's just normal, for you.

That's why going to therapy last year and seeing the discussion about ACOA here was so strange for me. I had no idea that it wasn't what everyone did. (This is particularly fresh in my mind right now, because last night kinda sucked and I had a "I am feeling overwhelmed but I have to keep it together because my role is to take care of things and not make anyone worry" freak-out. And then I emailed my therapist to see if she has any openings in her schedule, 'cos maybe I need to start seeing her again, maybe) t /mememe me this post may self-destruct soon I don't know

I am sure " I hat e you " or I want a new mom was said. But I can't even remember who said it when . I don't remember it being a big deal. But I also remember beig taught that hate was a big word, and not to be used lightly ( yes , I still feel that hate is the word to use with baked beans) . I know I never ran away - because I couldn't figure out where to go.