do I appear to be decently functioning to you folks?

Yes.

Also, often very funny.

despite the brain probs

raise your hand if you read that as "brain probes"

Allyson, you seem to function quite well from where I sit. (Please do not probe my brain.)

I totally hear you, Consuela--I get that feedback often. Less, though, now that I only interact over emails and occasional phone calls. It doesn't help that I have very little patience for idiots.

Thank you! Woo hoo for more birthday wishes!

You guys make me happy.

Yeah, you seem functional, Allyson.

It is actually mostly a guessing game. It's not even 1.5 steps above. Zoloft works for a lot of people, so let's try that! Oh, Zoloft didn't work? Well, how about Celexa? No luck with Celexa? Let's try Wellbutrin! And so forth. That's neither art nor science; it's throwing darts at a board in a dark room.

It is. My pdoc is fairly good at figuring out what will work for me, the Vyvanse disaster aside. He's more in the school of "if it's working partially, how can we add something to the cocktail to improve it?" than "let's try something new right now!". I like this about him. I'm pretty good at judging where I am in terms of improvement from pre-medicated baseline, and really, my target isn't a 100% remission from anxiety/depression.

Many happy returns, sumi!

That's what I like about freelancing; I can sit on something for an hour, look at it again and see if I'm being Blunt-ass Bitca.

But IRL, I got a lot of feedback on "domineering and occasionally abrasive." I'm efficient, people! Suck it the fuck up!

Er. See what I mean?!

And Allyson, you come off as perfectly functional. So many of us have BT,DT; totally normal.

Thanks for the Deva Curl rec, Allyson! I found a salon in Vernon Hills that has multiple stylists trained in that, and they have varying rates, so I made a consult appointment with the one with the cheapest rate ($55) for Saturday morning.

You don't "appear" to be functioning well, Allyson, you ARE functioning well. You have a cool job, a home, YOU HAVE PUBLISHED TWO AWESOME BOOKS, and have friends and family who love and rely on you. That pretty much defines what functioning is.

You have a brain chemistry issue and you are working on that, but that doesn't make you non-functional. As far as I have experienced, every single damn person I have ever met wrestles with demons, even if we don't see them. I deal with anxiety, for example, and bunch of other crap although when you meet me it might not be obvious. I believe being a healthy adult is NOT being free of demons but understanding our demons enough to handle them.

I do think you might want to go back and see if any other drug/talk cocktails might work for you, only because depression is a huge thing to handle alone. If you had any other body chemistry issue, like my husband's blood disorder, I'd say the same thing. He has to give blood every week and he has go through some bad side effects because his meds had to be constantly switched up and adjusted to find what worked. It's a long and uncomfortable process. Now, it looks like we are getting there--and it was worth it.

Alyson, I would say you're functioning well. In fact, I'm just going to pull out the "What Scrappy Said!" sign and wave it, because Scrappy is wise.

I believe being a healthy adult is NOT being free of demons but understanding our demons enough to handle them.

And handling them doesn't mean ignoring them as hard as possible until things go snap. I speak from hard-won experience, there.