Saving your sanity isn't punishing your parents. They have grownup underwear too. If you have to extricate yourself to keep calm and healthy, they should learn to cope. That's their job.

As I said--put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. If you're upset and stressed and ready for a fight, you will not be able to be civil to your family, and you'll only upset them...which will make you more stressed. If you take care of your own needs first (get a hotel, take a walk, destress, even if it makes them unhappy) you'll be in a much better frame to either deal with or just ignore their drama.

Allyson, I might be out of line here, but I just finished the program so I'm all hopped up on it. I just did this online cognitive behavior therapy skills program, called MoodGym. I found it helpful in managing my low-level depression and anxiety.

I'm suggesting it to you because it has a module on dealing with your parents, although I recommend doing the whole thing. It's aimed at a demographic slightly younger than us, but I still found it apropos.

Feel free to ignore at will. But I hope it might be helpful.

Saving your sanity isn't punishing your parents. They have grownup underwear too. If you have to extricate yourself to keep calm and healthy, they should learn to cope. That's their job.

ita ! is very, very right. You taking care of yourself is not punishing your parents.

I'm sorry it sucks so much, Allyson. They're all saying wise things up in the above posts, so... yeah.

And, Consuela... same thing, really.

***

On a completely different note...

Anyway, I worked it out with the coffeeshop owner, so at around noon, some balloons should show up for him. Shortly thereafter, they will bring out a strawberry shortcake birthday cake for him, which can then be given to coffeeshop patrons, too. And from that point on, about a dozen of his friends will randomly show up at the coffee shop to say happy birthday and eat cake.

I love this!

Well, ok, probably arson is, but don't think I haven't considered it.

ita ! and everyone are right. I'm sorry that what I said somehow got interpreted as you should suck it up. Because for your sanity you totally don't need to. And making you feel guilty for college help is not "tyring to make things right". Trying to make things right would be doing her best to make your visit a pleasant one, treating you as her beloved daughter.

Saving your sanity isn't punishing your parents. They have grownup underwear too. If you have to extricate yourself to keep calm and healthy, they should learn to cope. That's their job.

It sounds like your mom is being passive aggressive, and not being a mom. Personally I think you have every right to extricate yourself from that dynamic, but I struggle with that very thing frequently.

My latest car adventure is a tire blowout on the way home. It was probably the best possibly circumstances, though, because our housemate was in the car, we were three blocks from home, there was a nice wide shoulder to pull off into, and my phone was charged up so I could call Hubby and plead pathetically for my big strong Hubby to come save me. Sometimes I feel like a competent human being, some days I don't.

I think one of the hardest things is negotiating an adult relationship with your parents -- even when things are good, and so much more so when they aren't. So, Allyson, your mother can try to guilt you, but you don't have to carry it. That's not you making her feel bad -- she's making herself feel bad. And fuck that noise. Consuela, I don't know what you can do when your parents are a united front against common sense. It's just so hard.

Liese, that's a fantastic bday for your SO!