My latest car adventure is a tire blowout on the way home. It was probably the best possibly circumstances, though, because our housemate was in the car, we were three blocks from home, there was a nice wide shoulder to pull off into, and my phone was charged up so I could call Hubby and plead pathetically for my big strong Hubby to come save me. Sometimes I feel like a competent human being, some days I don't.

I think one of the hardest things is negotiating an adult relationship with your parents -- even when things are good, and so much more so when they aren't. So, Allyson, your mother can try to guilt you, but you don't have to carry it. That's not you making her feel bad -- she's making herself feel bad. And fuck that noise. Consuela, I don't know what you can do when your parents are a united front against common sense. It's just so hard.

Liese, that's a fantastic bday for your SO!

I put too much salt on my dinner. Dang.

Have you tried laying out their options and pointing out that refusing the in-home care that IS available means they need an assisted living facility?

Not wanting to speak for Consuela, but in my experience, my mom was no longer able to make logical decisions. It was all emotional, and at least for her, fear-driven.

I feel like a horrid person for being grateful that parental care is no longer something I need to worry about. I need to send something to my sister thanking her for being there for my mother.

Connie, once again, me too, on both counts. Okay, I don't actually feel like a horrid person. It was awful, and my mom, if she's still hanging around, is probably glad it's over for all of us.

Allyson, everyone else has said wise things, I can only point and nod. You aren't responsible for your parents' happiness. If you need to go to a hotel to protect yourself from a lingering depression, then I say go.

Ginger, another question about heat pumps, if I may? The guy giving me the quote said they should run new refrigerant lines, up the side of the house (not attractive), because the dying compressor could have drained "contaminated" coolant into the existing pipes and they couldn't guarantee they could flush it all out, and it would be bad if the new coolant mixed with the old coolant. They would just cut the old copper pipes off at the side of the house and seal the hole with silicone. I don't like any of this. Is this right? (The quote was about $1700 more than I expected, going by how much my sister paid for a new system for her comparably-sized house. So I'm getting another quote tomorrow.)

Not wanting to speak for Consuela, but in my experience, my mom was no longer able to make logical decisions. It was all emotional, and at least for her, fear-driven.

Yeah, I think people think dementia is all about memory, but it's the executive function (judgement, planning, etc.) part that's brutal and makes life hard.

my mom was no longer able to make logical decisions. It was all emotional, and at least for her, fear-driven.

Yes, exactly. This is a woman who, even forty years ago, would insist on driving ten miles back to the house to make sure nobody had left the iron plugged in. She's always been awash in irrational fear & anxiety: the dementia has just made it harder for her to manage it.

So my new thing is to tell everyone to get their mental health issues addressed before dementia sets in, because one sure as hell can't fix them after.

Tonight is going to be the third night that I haven't got any sleep. The Delsym is not working. I'm kind of at the end of my rope here.

From coughing, Tom? Is the congestion mainly in your chest or your head?

Both.

Have you tried something like Mucinex to thin the congestion and make your cough more productive?

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad.

Tonight is going to be the third night that I haven't got any sleep. The Delsym is not working. I'm kind of at the end of my rope here.

When I was coughing like that, getting some prescription codeine cough syrup helped me sleep. (The only thing that finally made me stop coughing was prednisone, but since that was after coughing for several months, you're probably not at that point yet.)