so people will judge me less

But that was my point before. What people think of you is really their business, and their problem. If you don't want to wear heels, you don't have to. If you don't want to shave your legs, you don't have to (except possibly in a professional environment where you're wearing skirts, and they might require it, or put pressure on you). You are actually free to make the choices.

There is something freeing about being fat, because the people who think these things are important avert their eyes anyway, so they don't notice all the hair still attached to me. Of course, I consciously chose a bright fuschia swimsuit, so part of my brain is proud to look like a giant raspberry at poolside.

I suspect I let myself get so fat partially to stop being judged on my body.

very few of them are truly free.

At which point, I say: wear heels if you enjoy them. There's little enough enjoyment in life, don't let anyone take this away from you.

I kind of always knew, but once I became an adult legally able to act on it, it still took until I was 33 to do anything about it.

Thanks, Steph.

You are actually free to make the choices.

Yeah, I think this is lost somewhere. Sure, there's a lot of history behind a pair of heels, but I have never overtly felt pressured to do something like wear heels, and I've never felt rewarded for it, so everything that's happening on that front is on a subconscious level. Which, hey. If there are no free choices, all choices are equally free.

At which point, I say: wear heels if you enjoy them. There's little enough enjoyment in life, don't let anyone take this away from you.

Exactly.

A more resonant example might be Spanx. Some people like the feel and support. Others feel shame about their butts. A lot of people probably fall between the two. But a lot of people are buying that stuff - enough that it feels kind of mandatory at this point for clingy garments.

I think this is a good example, but I also think you missed my demographic -- I wear spanx because it stops my thighs from rubbing together and then I don't have to wear tights all of the time.

Heels are one of my reasons for freelancing. They are agony on my feet and they were mandatory where I worked. I had supervisors who had always worked in the office who thought I should be wearing heels and skirts in power plants. That's impossible if you believe that writing about something means more than interviewing people in offices. Part of that comes from being in very male environments. All the non-clerical women at my last job could have fit in an elevator. The people who made decisions were old-school males who thought professional dress for women was skirts, jackets, heels and hose. It's different now at those companies, but that's really the way it was.

Also I think you're allowed to be a Hooters Girl now, but only if you have a BA in semiotics from Brown.

I actually met a woman who had a BA in semiotics from Brown who had worked as a stripper. But she gave it up to do voiceovers and hand modeling.

I actually met a woman who had a BA in semiotics from Brown who had worked as a stripper. But she gave it up to do voiceovers and hand modeling.

Please tell me she had violet eyes. Please please please.

I actually met a woman who had a BA in semiotics from Brown who had worked as a stripper. But she gave it up to do voiceovers and hand modeling.

I knew someone in college who worked as a stripper. She was majoring in Women's Studies and something else. English, maybe? I just tried googling her to see what she's doing now. I found an entry on IMDB for one role in a short film, and a report of her being arrested for possession of marijuana.

Please tell me she had violet eyes. Please please please.

No, and I didn't check to see if she had a beautiful singing voice. I think brown hair and brown eyes from Brown.

But she was totally cool! I was on a flight that had a long (4 hour) layover at Newark (People's Express!) and she badgered me into taking the bus into Manhattan and poking around and doing stuff instead of sitting in Newark. In fact, she gave me the bus money.

Also, she initiated the conversation. And talked a lot about the stripping experience, noting that doing four hours shifts had her in great shape. And that she never got pawed over because of the bouncers. (Most of her stripping was in NJ.)

I've met curiously generous people going into and out of Manhattan, actually. We had a cabbie once willing to take us from Battery Park to the Bronx for like six dollars.