I went back. We are both going to bed. Thanks.

msbelle, aargh. I can see how your parents wouldn't be any help in this situation. I wish I were closer. Is there any, *any* way your parents could help, without telling them the extent of what's going on? Is there anyone nearby you could call? I...I can't even brainstorm. I feel useless.

I would just call that feminism, but nobody asked me.

Have a look at the Jezebel article and its comments. That's why they had to name it special, because there are noisy people stating explicitly that the "choice" to wear heels isn't a choice, it's a symbol of oppression, and we aren't free to make that decision, and there's no way to free the action from its legacy.

So, no, I don't see anything wrong with choice feminism at all, which is why flea confused me so much. It's just stipulating a wide range of freedom, because some people apparently think there's equality in a limited range.

there is a part of me that cringes and thinks it's horrific and that I am the biggest sellout to the patriarchy EVER.

I would think that the woman you and meara were referring to who engages in race play had to come to terms with ten million tonnes of issues before she could let go and have the orgasms. I can't even imagine. Not even remotely.

I'm trying to think of the full racial analogues of choice feminism, and I can't wrap my head around all of what it would mean. For good or for ill.

Have a look at the Jezebel article and its comments. That's why they had to name it special, because there are noisy people stating explicitly that the "choice" to wear heels isn't a choice, it's a symbol of oppression, and we aren't free to make that decision, and there's no way to free the action from its legacy.

I'm going to go ahead and continue to ignore those people.

But there is a part of me that cringes and thinks it's horrific and that I am the biggest sellout to the patriarchy EVER.

Steph... I'm not as open about my sexuality as you are, and I value you for talking about it, so I just want to say, I guess, that I sympathize. The things I'm into, I can barely even discuss with myself, because I cringe at what it must mean about me.

I'm determined to avoid discussion of controversial topics now, because I'm tired of getting yelled at by the righteous. For a while I thought, I don't say what I want to say often enough, I censor myself too much. Now? Fuck it. Nobody needs to know what I think.

And, msbelle, I hope you and mac are all right tonight. I'm sorry this is so hard.

Yeah, conveniently that hasn't been an issue for me, what with sleeping with women.

that the "choice" to wear heels isn't a choice, it's a symbol of oppression, and we aren't free to make that decision, and there's no way to free the action from its legacy.

I actually agree with this. For what it's worth. I wouldn't tell you you can't wear heels, but I don't think that, given the cultural implications of teetery heels and women's helplessness and submissiveness and pain for beauty, it can be a truly free choice in our culture.

ETA: but my main take-away from the Jezebel commentators was the "la la I can run in my 5-inch heels, maybe because I used to do pointe in ballet!" people.

Steph... I'm not as open about my sexuality as you are, and I value you for talking about it, so I just want to say, I guess, that I sympathize. The things I'm into, I can barely even discuss with myself, because I cringe at what it must mean about me.

It took me years to admit it to another living soul, so I feel you. I pay a lot of lip service to self-actualization, but it's not so easy in practice.

it can be a truly free choice in our culture

Do you think the same about other traditional artifacts of femininity like corsets and makeup and extravagant hairstyling, etc? Where do you draw the line? What do women have free choices regarding? How can I have a free choice to not wear heels if I don't have a free choice to wear them?

Steph, actual victims of the patriarchy don't choose. Also, since Tim is wearing the heels, you can run away.