But there is a part of me that cringes and thinks it's horrific and that I am the biggest sellout to the patriarchy EVER.

Steph... I'm not as open about my sexuality as you are, and I value you for talking about it, so I just want to say, I guess, that I sympathize. The things I'm into, I can barely even discuss with myself, because I cringe at what it must mean about me.

I'm determined to avoid discussion of controversial topics now, because I'm tired of getting yelled at by the righteous. For a while I thought, I don't say what I want to say often enough, I censor myself too much. Now? Fuck it. Nobody needs to know what I think.

And, msbelle, I hope you and mac are all right tonight. I'm sorry this is so hard.

Yeah, conveniently that hasn't been an issue for me, what with sleeping with women.

that the "choice" to wear heels isn't a choice, it's a symbol of oppression, and we aren't free to make that decision, and there's no way to free the action from its legacy.

I actually agree with this. For what it's worth. I wouldn't tell you you can't wear heels, but I don't think that, given the cultural implications of teetery heels and women's helplessness and submissiveness and pain for beauty, it can be a truly free choice in our culture.

ETA: but my main take-away from the Jezebel commentators was the "la la I can run in my 5-inch heels, maybe because I used to do pointe in ballet!" people.

Steph... I'm not as open about my sexuality as you are, and I value you for talking about it, so I just want to say, I guess, that I sympathize. The things I'm into, I can barely even discuss with myself, because I cringe at what it must mean about me.

It took me years to admit it to another living soul, so I feel you. I pay a lot of lip service to self-actualization, but it's not so easy in practice.

it can be a truly free choice in our culture

Do you think the same about other traditional artifacts of femininity like corsets and makeup and extravagant hairstyling, etc? Where do you draw the line? What do women have free choices regarding? How can I have a free choice to not wear heels if I don't have a free choice to wear them?

Steph, actual victims of the patriarchy don't choose. Also, since Tim is wearing the heels, you can run away.

Also, since Tim is wearing the heels, you can run away.

He's still faster than me, even in heels. *Such* an overachiever.

Steph, feel free to act as if I never asked the question, but--how long between you realising that you were kinky and you acting on fulfilling that? That's such a huge step, and one many people can stick on...well, forever.

Corsets have a problematic history, but they're far enough removed in terms of actually being societally mandated that it's sort of a dressup thing. I mean, nobody is socially pressured to wear a corset these days except at Buffista gatherings, right? A more resonant example might be Spanx. Some people like the feel and support. Others feel shame about their butts. A lot of people probably fall between the two. But a lot of people are buying that stuff - enough that it feels kind of mandatory at this point for clingy garments.

I personally have a lot of trouble with traditional artifacts of femininity that seem to stem from an understanding of the female human body as somehow needing to be vigorously policed (waxed/shaved/de-scented/controlled by compression garments), things that require discomfort to achieve or render the wearer incapacitated (sewn into a dress, can't breathe, can't walk) all while being deemed required by a broad swatch of society. I mean, dressing up for fun in a corset and 4-inch heels may be fun, but high heels are societally mandatory for formal occasions for women who are not Ellen Degeneres, as is the no visible leg hair rule, no visible pubic hair in bathing suits (increasingly among the Kids Today, no pubic hair at all). I don't do much of this stuff; I do some and enjoy it, and do some and resent it, and look forward to being even older than I am now so people will judge me less.

As for the more philosophical questions about can free choice exist, I think that it is very rare to find an individual completely unconstrained in her choices by the culture she lives in. We're cultural creatures; all of our choices (including my hairy legs) are shaped by our culture. In that sense, very few of them are truly free.