I don't know if you can think about what you need to do, ita, beyond just doing it. Going moment to moment because the big picture is too big and scary is sometimes the only way to make it through. The only way I've made it through some of the worst medical shit is to remember that this moment and then this moment and then this moment etc are all I need to handle.

I don't have any skill at all in dealing with a sick parent, so grain of salt the advice.

I didn't even want to walk to the bathroom at 39 weeks. More power to the marathoner, man.

I don't really want to deal right now, not even a little.

Hang in there, lady. Deep breaths.

I don't know what to do.

You don't need to know. Sometimes you just have to keep moving forward. I'm glad you are able to go home.

And, really, you can flip out. It's some scary shit!

It's funny that the signing times dvds don't teach you mean things, like dumb or idiot. I should go look those up.

Grace won a sportsmanship award for soccer. Um? really? She pukes when she gets mad and doesn't want to play? That does not seem like good sportsmanship.

Oh, ita. Much love for you. I'd even hug you if in proximity. Or encourage you to flip out on me.

Sometimes, you just are. In the moment, no matter how bad it is.

hang in there ita.

I think it might be time (after you send the email) to take a shower and flip the fuck out there. don't hold it in and the beautiful thing about breaking down in the shower is that there is a finite amount of hot water. 15 minutes and my time is UP.

it's ! if just putting one foot in front of the other is the most you can do, that is fine. It is ok to be at a loss. If work helps to distract you, great. If not, do nothing or just the bare minimum.

When are you leaving, ita? Want to go out for gimlets?

Much ~ma to ita and your mom.

Buffistas reaching out to me kept me sane when my mom was diagnosed. Two years ago I think. I'll be forever grateful and if you need anything, feel free to ping me.