Sometimes, you just are. In the moment, no matter how bad it is.

hang in there ita.

I think it might be time (after you send the email) to take a shower and flip the fuck out there. don't hold it in and the beautiful thing about breaking down in the shower is that there is a finite amount of hot water. 15 minutes and my time is UP.

it's ! if just putting one foot in front of the other is the most you can do, that is fine. It is ok to be at a loss. If work helps to distract you, great. If not, do nothing or just the bare minimum.

When are you leaving, ita? Want to go out for gimlets?

Much ~ma to ita and your mom.

Buffistas reaching out to me kept me sane when my mom was diagnosed. Two years ago I think. I'll be forever grateful and if you need anything, feel free to ping me.

Thanks, bon. I leave tomorrow at 7am. Work is done, so that's out of the way, but I gotta get packed and shit and shit. I wish I could do gimlets, but I'd just be a soppy mess who was panicking that she hadn't prepped to leave right.

Like, do I get a round-trip shuttle, or a one-way and rent a car at the airport that I'll end up returning locally? Nah, that has a $25 surcharge. Get a round trip. And rent from one of the dealerships within walking distance of my apartment. Well, that decision made itself. That's nice.

Now to find clothes.

Ugh ita, I wish I had good advice, but it's all been said by others here so I'll send you love and strength and hope.

Going moment to moment because the big picture is too big and scary is sometimes the only way to make it through. The only way I've made it through some of the worst medical shit is to remember that this moment and then this moment and then this moment etc are all I need to handle.

This is very true. I've gotten through entire years on this basis, and while I won't say it was the best choice all the time, I did manage to take care of what needed to get done. The one thing I'd add is allow yourself to be cared for sometimes. You have many friends, myself included, who want to be useful. Or distracting.

Lots of ~ma to ita and mom.

My favorite signing story happened when I was working for Blockbuster. A little boy was signing to his mom, and I happened to catch his eye and I signed the letters "H-I". His eyes lit up and he started tugging on his mom, said something to her, and she looked over at me. I said and signed "Hi" again, and she asked me if I knew sign. When I answered I only know the alphabet, she relayed my answer to him. He asked her a question, and she then asked me if I knew my name in sign. I took my time, but finally got my name correct. He was just beaming from ear to ear. After a bit, I was working the register when he and his mom passed by me heading out the door. I didn't see him, but all of the sudden, his arms were flung around my hips and he gave me the biggest hug I think I've ever had.

So sweet, and my favorite memory about working there!

Aw, that's adorable, Kathy.

Much ~ma for you and your mom, ita.

Hugs and -ma, ita. Hang in there.