Only a couple of weeks ago? God, that's unbearably brutal. I'm so very sorry. And fuck cancer.

Yes, it had spread to her lungs and she stopped breathing one day and couldn't be revived.

Oh man, sj, how awful. Fuck cancer.

I'm watching Joey/Pacey clips on YouTube.

Awww.

The Big Giant Forehead is not soothing at all.

amyth calls him "The Useless Van der Beek."

Fun night last night. Neighborhood likes carrots. Okay, neighborhood likes beer. Lots of beer.

jeez, sj. man oh man.

Omg, smonster, Tom and I were drunk. I have some recollection of talking to St. W about being from Alabama and I hope very much I wasn't a total jackass. Other than being worried about that, though, that was definitely fun times.

Though Tom is grumpy about his hangover today.

I spent most of my month in the hospital, when I had pancreatitis, on clear liquids. I thought I was going to go insane.

So my dad called me this morning and told me he's going to have an angiogram tomorrow, to see if he has a blockage that's causing the chest pain.

At this point, I don't know if (1) the angiogram was the plan all along but Dad didn't tell me because he was confused; (2) the angiogram was the plan all along but Dad didn't tell me because he didn't actually know about it until today; (3) the doctor didn't decide until today that he should have an angiogram; or (4) some other inexplicable factor.

He hasn't seen a cardiologist all weekend, because "they don't come in on the weekends." So I don't know when and how the plan for the angiogram was cooked up. I'm guessing that #1 or #2, above, is the most likely thing. It was probably the plan all along, and Dad was either confused about what they told him, or they just didn't tell him until today. But I don't know when the cardiologist would have cooked up the plan, if they don't fucking work on the weekends. I am at a loss.

And I'm still agog at a hospital that looks at a 70-year-old man who's had 5 heart attacks and says, "Yeah, yeah, chest pain, okay, you need to wait 2 days before we'll cath you to find out why you're having the pain."

I'm going over to see him in a little bit, and I know there's not going to be anyone I can actually talk to to find out why this was considered to be a good idea (because, of course, the cardiologist doesn't work weekends, so *he* won't be there to talk to).

I'll find out what I can from the nurse, and maybe the nurse can shed some light on why the 2-day delay was considered okay. But I'd like to talk to the doctor who actually made the decision.

Bah. Shower now.

Steph, do you have a medical POA for your dad? Would that make things easier?

The hospital may have an ombudsman that you can speak with.

I do have a medical POA, but I didn't think that took effect unless he was incapacitated.

I'm also really annoyed that Tim is camping this weekend.

I say that knowing all of the following are true: (1) the camping trip was planned a month ago, obviously before there was any way to know any bad shit was going to go down; (2) Dad is basically fine and there is no earth-shattering crisis; (3) there's no need for Tim to be here; (4) he has his own life and can do his own shit; and (5) if he had asked me if I wanted him to stay, I would have told him to go camping. t edit (6) And I am a grown-ass adult who has dealt with Dad being in the hospital by myself for 15 years before meeting Tim and I can obviously continue to do so.

All of those things are true, and I fully acknowledge them, and yet I'm still annoyed. I'm allowed to feel those contradictory things, right? Or am I the world's biggest selfish jackass who shouldn't even be in a relationship since I can't say "Yes, go camping" and then be cheerful and glad about it?