Sending much ~ma to GC for good results, and many hugs to Maria.

Not to continue to be all memememe....

You all knew we had problems--ones that were big enough to seriously consider going our separate ways. We both made so many mistakes and held so many grudges and fought the dirtiest way possible, but I've now realized that none of that mattered in the end. I wasted so much time being angry, and I'll regret that for the rest of my life.

You're human, Maria. And so is he. And neither of you could see the future. I'm so sorry that this adds to your pain.

Oh Maria. I’m so sorry, friend.

Java – They sound fun! We have been so lucky being in the LA-area to meet lots of two mom families with babies our guy’s age. I said to DW, “Who knew that you had to have a kid to meet the lovely ladies in your neighborhood?”

Thanks for all the good thoughts. I’m feeling much better after my doctor visit. He said the odds are low that it is cancerous, and even if it is is, it is usually resolved by removing the thyroid. He really put me at ease and I’m feeling much less stress around it. Now I just wait for 3/15 to get the thing biopsied. Can’t believe that was the first available! Argh!

Oh, Maria, I wish I knew how to help you let go of that regret. No, your relationship wasn't perfect -- not to sound flippant, but whose is? -- but you both stuck with each other and loved each other, and that means a lot.

If this is unhelpful, feel free to disregard. I don't want to tell you how to feel; as others have said, your thoughts and emotions are going to be huge and overwhelming for a while, and the best you can do is ride them out. I'm just sorry that this is a part of it for you.

{{Maria}} I wish there were some shortcut through the worst of the mind and body wracking grief. The only thing I can pass along from the experience of being widowed too young is that every single tough thing that has happened since that experience has been no big deal. When all around me are flailing arms claiming some huge catastrophe that surely is the end of the world, I just shrug. Whatever. The experience of losing Stephen left me calm in the face of whatever disasters have followed, and gave me a completely different view of what the hell was important, and more significantly, what was not important.

All marriages have problems. My sister was in a very bad place with her husband when he died in a car accident. I sometimes think she had a tougher road than me because of the unresolved issues and guilt factor. I can't say I am grateful for the 18 months of horrible illness Steve had to endure, but we didn't have anything left unsaid.

The short version, grief sucks way beyond anything I ever anticipated, and still socks me in the gut 25 years later at sudden and unexpected moments. It does get better. Really it does.

{{{Maria}}}

He said the odds are low that it is cancerous, and even if it is is, it is usually resolved by removing the thyroid.

True. I had my thyroid removed and 1 round of radiation. And, 10 (!) years later, cancer free.

Now I just wait for 3/15 to get the thing biopsied. Can’t believe that was the first available! Argh!

Waiting to find out sucks, but even if it is cancer, thyroid cancer is typically slow growing, so waiting a few weeks is not a health issue. Totally a mental one that I truly understand, though.

Oh Maria.

You're human, Maria. And so is he. And neither of you could see the future. I'm so sorry that this adds to your pain.

This needed to be repeated.

And I can't listen to music. Too many landmines

I had to make specific playlists that I could listen to, because too many things would just blindside me. And there are songs I'm probably never going to listen to again.

Ginger,

how are you doing? Have you had the tests scheduled yet?

and lots of It's Nothing~ma! to GC!

ION, I thought about turning Vlad into glove liners last night. He's constantly searching for things to play with, to the point of pulling things off shelves. A lot of my fuzzy critters and dolls have been moved to higher shelves over the past few months.

He somehow got my Wendy Froud doll off a shelf, and gnawed her hat off. The doll is fine, and I can fix the hat, but I completely melted down over it last night. Not only because the Little Sister doll is one-of-a-kind, but because she's a bright spot of magic in my life. But she's fine, thank goodness.