Maria, everyone has been so wonderfully kind and had such good, gentle advice, there's little for me to say.
But there's one thing. It's okay not to feel, too, if that's what's going on. You can expect grief, fear, petty anger and resentment at being left to deal with all this on your own. Brief moments of overwhelming love and horrid, bleak black grief and swallowing anger. All of those will cycle, and it's best just to let them. Ride it out as you can, and know your dearest are near to you and we are here for you when they are not. But I want you to know that it's fine, it's just as real and just as valid to wash up in an ordinary moment in the day and just feel nothing. Don't be afraid of it, like all the other things you're feeling it will pass. But while it's present, it's okay.
You are so loved. That young man--I have no words for how wonderful and timely his message was. Be loved, dear.
Skipping.
American night shift, singing in. Maria, if you'd like to talk or anything, I'm here.
::tags Shir:: American day shift, starting!
I teared up at that text, too. Oh, Maria my love. I will add my offer of a place to come next year... nothing like a parade or ten to distract you.
I feel better this morning. Thanks again for the words of wisdom and comfort. I think a big part of it is frustration with myself that I'm not okay with things as they are, even though I know judging my feelings just adds a layer of badness.
Must get ready for work.
Oh, and Sean, hon, I totally hear you. I've spent most of my adult life to date single, but I find myself more and more wanting to be in a true partnership. And it's so hard that the wanting doesn't make it happen.
Sean, in case you missed my link on Facebook: [link]
Ugh. I overslept. I don't actually remember turning my alarm off, but I guess I did and then fell back asleep.
I've spent most of my adult life to date single, but I find myself more and more wanting to be in a true partnership. And it's so hard that the wanting doesn't make it happen.
Co-signed (except change "most" to "all" and remove "adult").
{{Maria}}
Co-signed (except change "most" to "all" and remove "adult").
Well, the relationships I was in weren't the most fabulous. They ranged from "sometimes nice but not love" to "oh god, oh god, what was I thinking?!?!". That last being KBD, of course.
I understand, you guys.
And, believe me, having a ready-made answer to the "What's wrong with me?" questions. Doesn't really help at all.
(Not to mention hating the thought that my whole life can be boiled down to things that went wrong that I don't even remember.And there *are* PWD that manage to do everything...why aren't I more like them? Turning the world on with my smile AND making barriers my bitch.
