I'm with Sean, it's damn chilly here. And cold/snow/ice was one of the reasons I left Dallas and came back to CA. I'm thankful we only have one of the three. But dang it, I want it comfortably warm!

Is it wrong that I'm thinking of the awesome porch, and sitting on it watching the sun set on a regular basis? Trying not to count chickens...

Oh Maria, I have been holding you in my thoughts all day. Rob must have been a wonderful coach, to have touched those kids in such a complete way.

Oh I am totally tearing up at that text, Maria. So sweet! You're surrounded literally and figuratively by people who love you and Rob.

This is my last night at NeurogesX. Tomorrow I am being taken out to lunch, and then I have my exit interview. Almost 5 years, and here I am cleaning out my files at 10PM.

I've been thinking of you all day. nd the timing. But - that young man = the right person at the right time mad e his life

However crushed or shattered or numb, you have us , and your family, and this other family that is reaching out now

As a back-up plan, let me offer up Tom Scola's get-out-of-bad-anniversaries option of heading to various West Coast Buffista locales and letting the localistas love you up but good.

Yes! Seattle is totally ready for you...

just got a text from one of his boys--the one he was probably closest to--asking if I had a valentine today, and if not would I please be his because he owes it to his big brother. Bawling now.

Oh lordy, that makes me well up, and I don't even know him or your husband. Dang.

This is my last night at NeurogesX. Tomorrow I am being taken out to lunch, and then I have my exit interview. Almost 5 years, and here I am cleaning out my files at 10PM.

Eek. But I'll be there at the end of next week! (Though only 4 years) SO much to do before then.

Maria, everyone has been so wonderfully kind and had such good, gentle advice, there's little for me to say.

But there's one thing. It's okay not to feel, too, if that's what's going on. You can expect grief, fear, petty anger and resentment at being left to deal with all this on your own. Brief moments of overwhelming love and horrid, bleak black grief and swallowing anger. All of those will cycle, and it's best just to let them. Ride it out as you can, and know your dearest are near to you and we are here for you when they are not. But I want you to know that it's fine, it's just as real and just as valid to wash up in an ordinary moment in the day and just feel nothing. Don't be afraid of it, like all the other things you're feeling it will pass. But while it's present, it's okay.

You are so loved. That young man--I have no words for how wonderful and timely his message was. Be loved, dear.

Skipping.

American night shift, singing in. Maria, if you'd like to talk or anything, I'm here.

::tags Shir:: American day shift, starting!

I teared up at that text, too. Oh, Maria my love. I will add my offer of a place to come next year... nothing like a parade or ten to distract you.

I feel better this morning. Thanks again for the words of wisdom and comfort. I think a big part of it is frustration with myself that I'm not okay with things as they are, even though I know judging my feelings just adds a layer of badness.

Must get ready for work.

Oh, and Sean, hon, I totally hear you. I've spent most of my adult life to date single, but I find myself more and more wanting to be in a true partnership. And it's so hard that the wanting doesn't make it happen.

Sean, in case you missed my link on Facebook: [link]