Maria, I'm so sorry. I just heard. Anything you need, just let me know.

I sort of fought with my mother in the morning of the day she died, and while I knew she was ill and terminal, some part of me always believed that I had caused the exact time of death, because of our argument. It's a brain weasel of the worst sort, and completely completely untrue.

The day my father died, he and my mom had a misunderstanding. She was taking the bus home from her job, and he had my sister's older two boys for the afternoon, and they were supposed to meet at a fried chicken place near her usual bus stop. The thing is, there was a KFC on one block and a ... not a Church's but some other chicken chain... place two blocks away. Dad went to KFC. Mom went to the other one. When dad got back, he was so pissed off, and having chest pains, that it was a very good thing I was home so I could look after the boys. He told me to call for an ambulance, gathered up his meds into a bag, told me exactly how many nitro pills he had taken so I could tell the paramedics if he was not conscious when they got there. I wasn't terribly worried yet, the old man had chest pains all the time and spent a few days in the hospital every now and then, no reason to think this would be any different.

About half an hour after they took him to the hospital, my mom walked in the door. She saw the KFC bucket on the table and got so pissed off - she hated KFC, he should know that (I didn't, WTF?). When I told her where he was, she stayed mad until we got the phone call from the doctor. Then she started feeling guilty. It took her months to really make peace with the fact that it was just his time - that it was more likely that if his body were not shutting down, the lines of communication might have been a little clearer.

I don't think these kinds of holidays are his thing, but a small verbal acknowledgment of some kind would be nice.

I wonder if he might avoid communication all together to avoid, I dunno, sending any sort of commitment message? I don't know him very well (and haven't seen him or the both of you together since you got back together) so I could be talking out of my ass, but he seems to be... uh, skittish?

{{{{Maria}}}} not sure what more to add that hasn't already been said. It sounds like you have a world of emotional support here. The advantage of being Borg. We are here for you.

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ION

My Realtor just called. Buffista~ma has worked for step one. My offer is the one being presented to the selling bank for the short sale offer. Now the waiting game begins.

Yeah, I don't know, Nora. If it's just because he doesn't know where he's going to be, fine. If it's because he's not that into me, fine, but tell me. Also, I just realized that I'm probably PMSing, which explains this sudden and violent desire to blast Adele while eating an entire tube of cookie dough.

I don't need to know that he wants to be with me forever, but it'd be nice to know that he wants to be with me now. And I may have to say that to him, and if it scares him off, just as well, I guess. I get tired of treading delicately.

These posts may self destruct, my maudlin is even annoying me.

I wonder the same, Nora. But I am sorry you are feeling frustrated and wanting something from StW that you aren't getting, smonster.

I have affected a Southern accent because we got unexpected (well, I didn't expect it, the meteorologists might have been in the know) hail. So I keeping feeling compelled to say, "oh, haiiiiillllll" and then I feel like a dork.

I wonder the same, Nora. But I am sorry you are feeling frustrated and wanting something from StW that you aren't getting, smonster.

Yay, omnis! Continued ~ma headed your way.

Ryan had soccer practice yestrday. He wasn't much into it, being was a bit cranky after waking up early, but he did like kicking over the skittles. Anyway, the coaches have a magnetic whiteboard on which they put up some laminated A4 posters showing things like age group and current lesson. After one water break, Ryan stopped to look at the reverse side, which had the posters for the next groups slapped on it haphazardly. He looked at them for a few seconds, then started taking them and straightening them all up. Nice, neat rows of posters lined up on the horizontal.

This boy is too much like me for his own good.

I think that for the even slightly averse, Valentine's Day isn't about wanting to be with someone today, it's 365 days worth saved up into one gesture--proactive, not retroactive. So I can totally see why he might want to be all "The 14th!??! Seriously? Slipped my mind..."

I strongly advised bon not to go on a first date with an online meetup on Feb 14th, which reminds me, I should tell her congrats on the anniversary of first meeting her husband in person.

Basically--to people like me, staying hush on the 14th is like a sick compulsion. So I don't think too badly of someone who is mum, unless they're trying to convince someone of forever.

I don't need to know that he wants to be with me forever, but it'd be nice to know that he wants to be with me now

He is showing you by being with you. Period. He wouldn't spend time with you if he didn't want to. Now, he is not good at the demonstrations of affection you want, but they may not means the same thing to him as to you. He also doesn't see you as much as you want, but he is hella busy.

He does not want the level of relationship you want right now, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want a relationship with you. Now, you may be thinking you want a more demonstrative, more-time-spending guy, and that's cool, but he isn't able to do that right now. If you have to have your level of commitment matched, then you may need to stop seeing him. If you really like spending time with him on a more laid-back schedule, then you can choose to do that, too. I think you have to either accept him where he's at right now or stop being with him--asking him to be at the same place as you isn't going to work.