It makes sense, and it also explains why I get so emotional if I get overtired.

Yesterday I found myself caught in a loop of all these emotions and I hadn't really felt like that since I moved up here. A little bit, but mostly more recent stuff. Yesterday I was mentally digging up stuff from middle school and elementary school and beating myself up over it.

The main tell that I remember was hiding.

I had forgotten this. The cats in my life have done this as well when it was time.

It makes sense, and it also explains why I get so emotional if I get overtired.

I have to really work on my self-talk to not have a meltdown if I'm overtired or haven't eaten (or just haven't eaten protein) or any number of things. It will be End Of The World time, until I stop and look at what else is going on.

Just identifying that I need to eat doesn't necessarily *stop* the overwhelming emotion, but it can help to slow it down long enough for me to get lunch.

The main tell that I remember was hiding.

Sometimes dogs do this too.

What I have looked for in the past are changes - in eating and drinking, in litter box usage, energy level, sleeping habits, and vocalization habits, etc.

Ugh. I have some of this going on in my household. She is a very old lady, poor girl.

No hiding though. Polar opposite. You can't make this cat go away. She's like a yowly little Terminator; it doesn't matter what you do, she Just Keeps Coming.

ETA: I say that with affection, but damn.

Thinking of you, Maria.

The main tell that I remember was hiding.

I think this will be a big clue for me. Mickey is very social and likes being with me. When he was well, he'd follow me around from room to room. And he knows my habits well enough that he'd beat me to the bathroom in the mornings. He's spending less time with me and more time sleeping, but if I go join him in the bed, he snuggles and purrs.

Seriously, y'all. I can't even begin to tell you how much it means to have you all share your experiences and give me advice on this. It really does give a small measure of comfort in a painful situation. Thank you.

As long as he can and does purr, he may have some time left. I remember a vet - a really good vet - telling us years ago that the time to put a cat to sleep was when it didn't eat or purr.

Chikat, the hiding was key for Perkins. I was beginning to wonder if I had jumped the gun, because the fear of being at the vet perked him up some, but then he refused to sit on my lap and instead went to sit under a chair with his back towards me, which made it the first time in over 15 years he didn't try to climb on me at the vet's. Even before the vet pointed out his third eyelid was showing, I knew it was his time.

I don't feel bitter about Valentine's Day, but I am feeling a bit wistful. I sent StW an email with a link to the xkcd comic and both e-cards. I haven't heard back, don't really expect to... but oh, a big part of me is hoping to. Feh. He has job interviews tomorrow and Thursday, but it'd be nice to have heard, "Hey, too busy this week, I'd like to take you out this weekend." Or even just Happy Valentine's Day. I don't think these kinds of holidays are his thing, but a small verbal acknowledgment of some kind would be nice.