Maria I'm so sorry. I just want to repeat what everyone said - this wasn't your fault. And we all love you. Be kind to yourself right now and lean on your family and friends so they can help take care of you.

No one knows how to do this, Maria. You've stepped into another country and you have to learn your way around.

I found this to be very true after my mother's death. It is a place you've never been to before and you don't have a map.

It helps, I think, to just focus on the immediate things, the practical details that need addressing (if you can). It's too immense to encompass it all.

Dealing with such things, I've done what I think of as the Zombie Shuffle. I just keep moving forward even though I'm either numb with pain or completely overwhelmed with emotion. I just keep shuffling along.

Maria, other people have said such wise things, and I just want to add my voice to the chorus. I hope that you can find some comfort in our presence and our love. We're all thinking of you and loving you.

Maria, I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I'm glad you have family around to support you and that you are asking for what you need, it's important not to shut yourself off from your feelings or from other people. The grieving process doesn't work unless you allow yourself to actually grieve. Even if it's noisy and messy, you'll be helping yourself by letting it happen.

between our different time zones and all the insomnia I'm pretty sure we have you covered around the clock

This. And what David and -t and everyone said, and the keep leaning parts are also very true.

Please, use, do and feel anything. We're here for that.

You are loved, and even if you're lost, we're here to help you figure out your way.

You wake up in the morning, part of your brain says, "Yesterday was so terrible, today has to be better, that horrible thing is in the past." But no. A little of the shocked numbness has faded, but the horrible thing is still there. And you know it's always going to be there.

Strength like a mountain, dearest. The surface will take a battering, but the core endures for nigh on forever.

Maria, I hate that words are so inadequate. I wish I could give you more comfort than this. But I'm so glad that there are so many people here pouring out love to you.

ChiKat, cats are experts at hiding pain. The tells in an otherwise healthy cat may be different than those of a cat who is ill. But I suspect the principle may carry over. What I have looked for in the past are changes - in eating and drinking, in litter box usage, energy level, sleeping habits, and vocalization habits, etc. I second the suggestion to talk to the vet about signs to look for, as to when there is too much pain and not enough good. It's such a difficult decision to have to make, but I do believe there will come a moment when you know it is time.

We had two cats go through relatively long-term declines. The main tell that I remember was hiding. Teddy really enjoyed snuggling with us, and Max was everybody's friend -- would meet people at the door, even. But at the end, both started hiding 24/7. We'd pick them up, bring them over to the couch or wherever we were, and they'd just jump down and go back to their hiding space.

Your vet can tell you a lot more, though. If only because your vet knows Mickey from regular visits. And if Mickey has an oncologist, that may be another good source of advice.

And all sympathies. It's an incredibly hard decision to have to make.

On the other end of the spectrum, our new puppy is settling in very nicely. he has slept through the night (or close to it) since we brought him home on Saturday--which I think is pretty rare with pups and I am VERY grateful for. He's a lovely little guy. Our poodle is still somewhat dubious of the whole idea, but other than some growling and lifting of the lip when Chet goes too far, like trying to get in bed with him, he's been behaving.