It's a terrible goddamned club, but full of supportive members.

{{{Maria}}} What -t said. It is the worst club, but we love and support each other. Stephen and I fought horribly in his last few months. Emotions were so raw that we would strike out at each other. It happens. Doesn't change the love and joy that was shared. I wish I could send you strength. The next few weeks are just going to suck beyond compare. But you are a strong woman and you will get through it. All those people that want to help you, let them. Lean on your loved ones. Including me.

No one knows how to do this, Maria. You've stepped into another country and you have to learn your way around.

I don't know if hearing this 10 times or a hundred will help, but IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. (That may be my longest string of asscaps ever.) He had a disease that can kill without warning, with a stray cell or a tiny metastasis in the wrong place. The treatment for the disease can also kill.

One thing I know about up-and-down relationships is that when the other person dies, you also mourn for the dream: the relationship dreamed of, the hopes you had when you fell in love. You also think of the times you wished he wasn't there. Remember, there was no magical moment in which you could have fixed things.

All you can do is live today and do what you can today. Keep busy. If you have a book or movie that has always brought you comfort, find it. And know that as long as there's an internet, you'll have us.

Maria I'm so sorry. I just want to repeat what everyone said - this wasn't your fault. And we all love you. Be kind to yourself right now and lean on your family and friends so they can help take care of you.

No one knows how to do this, Maria. You've stepped into another country and you have to learn your way around.

I found this to be very true after my mother's death. It is a place you've never been to before and you don't have a map.

It helps, I think, to just focus on the immediate things, the practical details that need addressing (if you can). It's too immense to encompass it all.

Dealing with such things, I've done what I think of as the Zombie Shuffle. I just keep moving forward even though I'm either numb with pain or completely overwhelmed with emotion. I just keep shuffling along.

Maria, other people have said such wise things, and I just want to add my voice to the chorus. I hope that you can find some comfort in our presence and our love. We're all thinking of you and loving you.

Maria, I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I'm glad you have family around to support you and that you are asking for what you need, it's important not to shut yourself off from your feelings or from other people. The grieving process doesn't work unless you allow yourself to actually grieve. Even if it's noisy and messy, you'll be helping yourself by letting it happen.

between our different time zones and all the insomnia I'm pretty sure we have you covered around the clock

This. And what David and -t and everyone said, and the keep leaning parts are also very true.

Please, use, do and feel anything. We're here for that.

You are loved, and even if you're lost, we're here to help you figure out your way.

You wake up in the morning, part of your brain says, "Yesterday was so terrible, today has to be better, that horrible thing is in the past." But no. A little of the shocked numbness has faded, but the horrible thing is still there. And you know it's always going to be there.

Strength like a mountain, dearest. The surface will take a battering, but the core endures for nigh on forever.

Maria, I hate that words are so inadequate. I wish I could give you more comfort than this. But I'm so glad that there are so many people here pouring out love to you.

ChiKat, cats are experts at hiding pain. The tells in an otherwise healthy cat may be different than those of a cat who is ill. But I suspect the principle may carry over. What I have looked for in the past are changes - in eating and drinking, in litter box usage, energy level, sleeping habits, and vocalization habits, etc. I second the suggestion to talk to the vet about signs to look for, as to when there is too much pain and not enough good. It's such a difficult decision to have to make, but I do believe there will come a moment when you know it is time.