Yeah, that'll be a hard one, but it's probably better to know. And nowhere in that autopsy is it going to say, "And Maria did it." No matter what the results.

Please tell your people that you love them.

Yes, this is very true.

I can't presume to know the pain of losing a spouse, and you might feel responsible, but please don't believe you're responsible. If you have the attention to spare for the semantic distinction. I just don't want you with those fully formed convictions in your head, honey. Not even if the companion pain is best worked through, not around.

That's a hard thing to have to wait for. But there's no need to theorize in advance of the facts.

Oh god, Maria. I am so sorry. And I have to wholeheartedly endorse -t's wisdom.

It's necessary to have every emotion, but every emotion isn't necessarily true, kind or necessary.

I feel so, completely incapable of saying anything of value. Just know that my heart is right next to yours, wanting to ease anything I can.

Oh Maria. Hugs and hugs and hugs. Know that if you ever need someone to talk late at night, I'm usually up until 3AM East Coast time and will gladly listen or tell you lesbian drama stories to keep your mind of things, or whatever helps.

Oh, Maria, this is not your fault. You'll feel what you feel right now, but remember every feeling isn't a truth.

If there's anything you need, anything I can do that's in my power, don't ever, EVER hesitate.

I feel such aching heartbreak for you, my dead friend, and wish I could be there to hold your hand, or to offer you things to smash, or tissues, or whatever you need to get through this.

All my love.

Oh Maria. I am so, so sorry.

You're going to have a lot of feelings that seem wrong or have no basis in reality or just don't seem like what you "should" be feeling. Go ahead and feel them just as hard as they come on. They're emotions, they may not mean what you think they mean.

-t is very wise. This is very important advice.

Also, my love, it WASN'T YOUR FAULT.

If you need anything, we're here for you.

-t is very wise.

And you're not ever, ever going to be given up on here. Ever.

A young friend of mine lost his wife six months after the wedding. She had various health problems, but they weren't able to figure out what the specific cause was.

But whatever they find, Maria, it was not your fault. Nothing. None of it. Even if you fought, he loved you, and it wasn't something either of you had any control over.

I hate that -t speaks from experience but love that she is willing to do so. And her advice is so good.