Well, I can't do it, and somebody really should...

Excellent! Hit me up with the pertinent info; my email addy is...

Huh. I guess I should set up a blind drop for covert random punching activities, no? Dammit. Lemme get back to you, sj.

It's about 65 degrees here in FEBRUARY. Maybe I'll go do some vicious gardening instead? Surely I have some horrible weeds with clingy roots I can attack?

Rrr. I have to get work done instead. Perhaps I can proofread...with extreme prejudice.

Coming soon to a theatre near you:

Scene: Normal suburban neighborhood. Quiet woman in office, shuffling papers, typing on laptop.

Voiceover:

"Most days are ordinary. I do my work; I tap on the keyboard, I return calls, I file..."

"But..."

(cut to giant red pen slashing across screen, dripping red ink -- or blood?! -- "V for Vendetta" style)

"...Every one in a while, I have to let the demons come out to play."

EDITED ACTION SCENES OF WOMAN DOING VARIOUS LETHAL BAD-ASS MOVES WITH A RED PEN AS WEAPON

"...People think the life of an editor is boring. It's best. For their peace of mind."

MOVIE ANNOUNCER VOICE OF DRAAAAMA:

"The Red Pen of Death. Coming to theatres Summer 2013."

fade-out to "Do you know where your manuscript is...?"

Do you think I have a sleeper hit on my hands? I mean, come on, right?!

...What?

Perhaps I can proofread...with extreme prejudice.

You should hear my department, and how often we swear at authors.

It's the best part of my day.

My cats get to hear my best cussing. It's tragic, really. Such a waste...

Someone needs to make the trailer for The Red Pen of Death!

So absinthe is pretty good. Went with a slotted spoon to drip ice water onto the sugar cube. It did turn cloudy but not very green. The flavor wasn't as complex as I expected but it tasted surprisingly strong considering the low alcohol content. I think I'm ready to try it in mixed drinks. The aftertaste reminded me a bit of an old fashioned.

You should hear my department, and how often we swear at authors.

I should make an anthology of all the "Worst Author Evar!" emails my colleagues and I have exchanged.

he flavor wasn't as complex as I expected but it tasted surprisingly strong considering the low alcohol content.

Lucid is one of the milder absinthes. If you're ever at a place that offers a selection, you might want to try Mata Hari or St. George.

Daniel Radcliffe likes pubic hair.

OK that's officially TMI and yet I find it oddly charming that a hairy guy--who played a guy named Harry no less!--likes a bit of hair on a girl.

The other agent is trying to use my disability as a reason for us to come up on the price of the house, because it happens to be a ranch.

Errr, I kinda want to run off copies of fair housing and ADA regulations, roll 'em really tightly, and beat some sense into that other agent.

I would totally watch The Red Pen of Death. I wouldn't want to be a character in it, though, because of my propensity to put extra commas in things (beta reader for my monster fic and I went a few rounds, and not about the Oxford variety).

The Red Pen of Death - Dipped in the blood of the ungrammatical.