AARGH.

Yet again I am up too damned early. Went to bed at 11:30 pm, and woke up at 3:08 with a headache and having to pee. Lay back down till 4, said Fuck it, and got up.

I am trying to get my sleep schedule on track, and it sucks. I started taking prednisone (methylprednosolone) Monday for the worst rash I have ever had: ladyparts and thigh, neck and throat. I was supposed to get a cream, but since we have $40 till next Wed., I couldn't afford to get it. Thank GOD the itching has abated since yesterday.

I refused Vicodin for the pain, but after a month of not being on Xanax, I asked for a Rx 1/2 of what I had been taking: I have been under a huge amount of stress: money, an issue with my DH, the whole "Oh, I am trying to get mentally healthy and taper off all my meds (Xanax, which was easy to go off, Ambien, which is NOT.) And this is after my gall bladder surgery, which is almost healed, so yay!

I also learned something VERY, VERY hurtful which raged me out, and made me feel like a POS, that my DH did. Not an affair; I told him I would have been happier if he would have just fucked someone else. I don't have a therapist appt. til the 15th, and my psychiatrist till the 17th (and no, I can't get in earlier; co-pay for each is $60.)

I'm hesitant about detailing it here -- NOT because of y'all, but...paranoia, yo!

OK, I typed it out, but erased it. It's too personal. But I would welcome email to suss it out. I am still in love, no plans on separating, or anything like that, but I wanted to cockpunch him about a zillion times for this STUPID STUPID thing he did to me.

ION, I am STAYING awake all day unless it kills me. I am trying to get back on track, but everything exhausts me. After I cleaned the bedroom yesterday, I stared into space --not the TV or book, just 2 hours of slack-jawed drooling.

OK, now that I have spilled my pre-sunrise guts, time for another cuppa and PLEASE let me find a stray Tylenol around here somewhere.

{{Strix}} Please feel free to email me if you would like to discuss. Also, as a sleep challenged person, I agree that staying awake all day is the only way to fix the schedule.

Oh, god, Strix, that sounds awful. I wish the universe would just back the fuck offa you. Feel free to rant to me in an email; I'll reply as promptly as I can.

Insent, Laura and smonster.

And thanks.I'm trying (and it's succeeding, in increments) to get the angry out about this particular clusterfuck and to gain some zen about it. But it's HARD.

Strix, you can e-mail me too, if you want another ear.

t edit I have a meeting in 2 minutes, so I won't be back for about an hour, but I'll check my e-mail when I get back.

I'll drop you a line in a bit, Steph. I have to eat something with my steroids, pop in some laundry and start straightening my office.

I'm getting to the point where thinking about working again doesn't make me hyperventilate.

ION, it was supposed to be sunny today! I was going to go for a short walk and get some anti-depression sun. DAMMIT. (And no, I absolutely can't afford a light box. I'm still paying off my hysterectomy, arm and gall bladder.)

And thanks for the support, all. I cannot express how helpful it is to vent. I would like to leech this poison out before too long.

and you can email m too. But before you do -- is explaining one more time going to get you ire up? or does saying it agian make you start seeing it better