Oof. I'm up to 80 squats in the challenge. Two sets of 40 tonight and I am feeeelin' it. Erg. I did them to Ice Ice Baby and danced around during the break. That made it fun but OY. That stuff I said about not doing them right? I was mistaken.

I just started the squat challenge yesterday. Today I made the mistake of telling my sensei - she worked squats into all the drills we did, so I know I'm way over my 60 for today.

Ryan is quite the brave boy and go him for his assistance in herd immunity.

Have not been posting much lately because stupid muscle things mean it is painful to be on line more than a few minutes per day. PT tomorrow (well now today)

Dream I woke up from: visiting exotic (to me) tropical English speaking nation as tourist - nation filled with beautiful beaches, museums and music. But turns out there is also magnificent local fiction not available in the U.S. or on-line or anywhere outside this country. I resist temptation to spend vacation reading and ignoring everything else about the beautiful place I'm visiting. But I use 100% of my souvenir budget buying books, move to a cheaper hotel so I can buy more books, and eat cheaper (but still delicous and exotic to me) food than I planned so I can buy more books. And then I donate most of the clothes I brought with me to local charities so I have room to pack all the books I bought - figuring I could always replace those clothes over the course of a year or so when I got back. And when I woke up my thought was "good compromise, dream self".

Typo Boy, that sounds like an excellent use of vacation time and resources.

AARGH.

Yet again I am up too damned early. Went to bed at 11:30 pm, and woke up at 3:08 with a headache and having to pee. Lay back down till 4, said Fuck it, and got up.

I am trying to get my sleep schedule on track, and it sucks. I started taking prednisone (methylprednosolone) Monday for the worst rash I have ever had: ladyparts and thigh, neck and throat. I was supposed to get a cream, but since we have $40 till next Wed., I couldn't afford to get it. Thank GOD the itching has abated since yesterday.

I refused Vicodin for the pain, but after a month of not being on Xanax, I asked for a Rx 1/2 of what I had been taking: I have been under a huge amount of stress: money, an issue with my DH, the whole "Oh, I am trying to get mentally healthy and taper off all my meds (Xanax, which was easy to go off, Ambien, which is NOT.) And this is after my gall bladder surgery, which is almost healed, so yay!

I also learned something VERY, VERY hurtful which raged me out, and made me feel like a POS, that my DH did. Not an affair; I told him I would have been happier if he would have just fucked someone else. I don't have a therapist appt. til the 15th, and my psychiatrist till the 17th (and no, I can't get in earlier; co-pay for each is $60.)

I'm hesitant about detailing it here -- NOT because of y'all, but...paranoia, yo!

OK, I typed it out, but erased it. It's too personal. But I would welcome email to suss it out. I am still in love, no plans on separating, or anything like that, but I wanted to cockpunch him about a zillion times for this STUPID STUPID thing he did to me.

ION, I am STAYING awake all day unless it kills me. I am trying to get back on track, but everything exhausts me. After I cleaned the bedroom yesterday, I stared into space --not the TV or book, just 2 hours of slack-jawed drooling.

OK, now that I have spilled my pre-sunrise guts, time for another cuppa and PLEASE let me find a stray Tylenol around here somewhere.

{{Strix}} Please feel free to email me if you would like to discuss. Also, as a sleep challenged person, I agree that staying awake all day is the only way to fix the schedule.

Oh, god, Strix, that sounds awful. I wish the universe would just back the fuck offa you. Feel free to rant to me in an email; I'll reply as promptly as I can.

Insent, Laura and smonster.

And thanks.I'm trying (and it's succeeding, in increments) to get the angry out about this particular clusterfuck and to gain some zen about it. But it's HARD.