Our databases contain many Latin names that may include 3 or 4 or even 5 names, with and without hyphens. Hyphens don't bother the database as much as apostrophes, but we allow both in the name fields.

My solution has been that any time I get a truncation error I increase the size of the field, and then that is the standard for all updates for all the customers going forward. We also can search for patients by first name, last name, DOB, SSN, or telephone number. So they get found.

Personally I think the programmers need to fix the software because people should be able to have their names spelled the way they spell them. Maybe I will my name to Laura H@lt ! including the space.

Here's the thing, MEN might make this commitment and better be changed and defining themselves based on it, but they are never, ever assumed to change one damn thing about their name. Some do but they are really not the norm.

Men grow up as Mr. Dude Name and they walk into their wedding ceremony, say emotionally important things and sign actual legal documents and then walk out ... Mr. Dude Name. They might be changed but legally and socially, they are the same people they walked in being.

That's driving me CRAZY. He gets...a ring? (Which, granted, I do, too.) And Tim said, "Well, I get someone who shares my name forever. That's something." Yes, dear, but it still doesn't create any marked change in how you are known to the rest of the world. Unless you change your name to StephsHusband. Which I would lobby for if it weren't so unwieldy.

I'm glad we have 5 months to go. (And I realize I don't have to decide anything by then, and can just get married and keep my name and then change it later if I finally decide to do so. But I'd like to have made the decision by then, just to be legally tidy and efficient.)

(I am straight up the worst person to plan a wedding in the history of people planning weddings. I keep telling Tim I want it to be efficient. None of my decisions are based on what's romantic, or purely aesthetic. Dress that isn't an actual wedding gown? Hell yes, if it means I can pee without 3 women helping me maneuver the dress/bustle/crinolines/whatnot! [I realize there are wedding gowns that are less complicated, and allow the bride to pee unaided, but that was a factor in picking my dress. I pee alone.] Let the guests take home ALL of the table decorations? Hell yes! Then we don't have to take them home and box them up and let them languish in the attic forever. Take the bulk of the photos *before* the ceremony [which means that we would -- gasp! -- see each other before the ceremony (which I do not give one shit about)]? Hell yes, if it means there's no long gap between the ceremony and me getting cocktails and cheese in me!)

I am straight up the worst person to plan a wedding in the history of people planning weddings.

Ha! No, you've met me? And you remember that my wedding planning consisted of crying and puking my way through work repeatedly until I realized that I really and truly didn't want any wedding at all, even a small tasteful low-key one? Really, you're rocking this thing. (And your efficiency choices all sound eminently reasonable and not REMOTELY going to mess with any important part of the joy-and-wedding-and-getting-married-ness of the thing.)

Tep,I say bravo. I was very much the same way. We had no favors, and I'm not sure we had decorations at the tables. We had a buffet and a DJ, because I wanted to hear my songs the way I liked them, not the way a band interpreted them. I bought the first wedding dress I tried on. My dad planned most of the other details. Seriously. I mostly just showed up, once I made sure the cake was being delivered.

However you want your wedding to go is absolutely the way it should go.

I'm glad we have 5 months to go. (And I realize I don't have to decide anything by then, and can just get married and keep my name and then change it later if I finally decide to do so. But I'd like to have made the decision by then, just to be legally tidy and efficient.)

If your marriage license is anything like those in MA, it will ask you what you intend your married name to be, and then you can use your marriage certificate to change everything, which is probably the easiest way to do it. Although, you can just put your maiden name down when you apply and still choose to change your name later.

I am straight up the worst person to plan a wedding in the history of people planning weddings.

This may be because the goddamn wedding machine has programmed us all that there's a "right" way to do this.

When there's not. Do whatever you need to do so you can get through your engagement and wedding without fear, dread, stress, or anything else that detracts from the very awesome and beautiful result of choosing to merge your life (in a legally recognized fashion) with the person you love the most.

Do whatever you need to do so you can get through your engagement and wedding without fear, dread, stress, or anything else that detracts from the very awesome and beautiful result of choosing to merge your life (in a legally recognized fashion) with the person you love the most.

In the same timeframe, we also need to: plan the honeymoon, buy a car, and possibly (as in, we really REALLY should do this but it's kind of daunting) refinance the house. Tim's lender called to let him know he's eligible for a HARP refi (this house is so underwater we should name it Atlantis), and I think we really ought to take advantage of it.

Which raises another issue: my credit score is fucking awesome. If we got courthouse-hitched right now, it might be to our advantage in refinancing the house. But we need to find that out.

In short: there is a lot going on right now and my brain can't hold it all.

se it is not an easy or compact answer. I, personally, always make them default to Ms because it stops defining me as virgin or property.

Yep, this. And it's super personal for me; I have a "Ms. Taylor" nameplate from when my mom made this change in the 70s (she was also one of the first teachers at her school to -- gasp -- wear pant suits). I always have to teach my students what Miss/Mrs/Ms mean and why it's important to me.

Tep, no right way. Just do it your way. It will be great.

Dress that isn't an actual wedding gown? Hell yes, if it means I can pee without 3 women helping me maneuver the dress/bustle/crinolines/whatnot!

I imagine it's much like trying to maneuver a full Elizabethan gown with corset, hoops and twelve yards of skirt in a modern public restroom stall. Few things were as troubling as realizing, far too late, "I cannot reach around all this stuff to wipe."

The handicapped stalls were very popular.

Though, to be fair, the men who hadn't thought ahead of time how they were going to manage the hose and doublets were amusing. As were the remarks of, "My lord, what did you think the codpiece was actually for?"

I have a "Ms. Taylor" nameplate from when my mom made this change in the 70s (she was also one of the first teachers at her school to -- gasp -- wear pant suits).

Ms. Taylor...I'm sure no relation...was one of my favorite, most influencial teachers. 4th Grade.

She influenced my love of writing and was one of the first people to _convince me_ that someone believed in me.

Man. I loved her and can still remember her face to this day.

Incidentally, I was the first girl child to wear trousers in my school district. One of four decent things my father did for me. (Besides threatening to burn the school down for tying me up in 2nd grade.) Back then, they had 'Apache skirts', which was the solution the school compromised on. Trousers with a piece of material on the front and back.

I don't need sympathy really, but Cagney actually made me cry this morning. I don't know if I can do this, despite loving him. Some days, it just doesn't seem worth it.

For such a beautiful day, I wish I was in a better frame of mind. Sigh.