However, I know for a fact that hyphenated or even particularly long names can be problematic for any number of systems. Last name fields are often limited to a certain number of characters.

It's a programming error. Not one that needs to exist. But it's women that hyphenate and there's a fuckton of privilege going on there.

It's problematic for people to be gay too when dealing with things like insurance and medical offices and HR. They aren't the ones that need to change.

But the fact remains that it is, unquestionably, MY name.

So, why don't you just stay Steph Lang after you marry?

Will it break Tim's heart if you don't?

It's a programming error.

Now that I've thought about and read some boards about it I'd say it's more a cultural bias. It just presumes the wrong thing at the outset.

eta: I'll amend that to say it's a cultural bias that manifests in database design a lot. And because databases are big investments that take a long time to turn over it's not going to change overnight, but somebody should start including this in their diversity training at MIT, CalTech and Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute.

I know in England there are lots of commonly hyphenated family names that go to both men and women. I wonder how they resolve the programming issue.

So, why don't you just stay Steph Lang after you marry?

Will it break Tim's heart if you don't?

Nope, it won't. But I also want his name. It's not an uncomplicated issue for me.

The point I was making w/r/t the "it's MY name" was that it's facile to say that it's still a man's name because it came from my dad. It's not the equivalent of a cattle brand that tells the world who I belong to. It's more than just my father's name, and the choice is to keep a man's name (my father) or take a man's name (my husband). The name I have came from my dad, but it's MINE.

As for whether I'll keep it, I don't know. I wouldn't be talking about it like this if it were a forgone conclusion. Lots of thinking in my future.

I know in England there are lots of commonly hyphenated family names

Something I first became aware of in Monty Python's immortal "Upperclass Twit Of The Year" sketch.

It's problematic for people to be gay too when dealing with things like insurance and medical offices and HR. They aren't the ones that need to change.

This.

My lastname is totally made up. Apparently Sweden enforced a rule at some point to stop this -son -dottir shit, though my paternal grandfather's family didn't really care and when he immigrated, he had to stick with a name. He picked a common one a distance from a father he didn't like. He wasn't Ander's son.

And then we got stuck with US conventions when my grandparents married. My grandmother wasn't a -son or -dottir, she had her mother's maiden. Her parents didn't actually have the same last name when they immigrated either, they only married TO immigrate. And hell, I don't know my grandmother's first married name. I only know his firstname. Whacky.

My dad carries his mother's and father's name.

Good thing I'm never having kids cause I'd so fuck up a girlchild using ALL my grandmothers' awesome names: Astrid Tresabel Otelia Karin.

Steph, I think you should alternate last names based on the day of the week. Equal time.

And yet, I'd never change MY name. Knowing it is derived from fiction. I'm Sara XXX. Just who I am. Even if there are 60+ others in the Y database.

In the example of Mrs. Gordon-Vangeroffsen, the problem was not so much her name, as that she didn't use it consistently. I run into this problem constantly when searching our enormous database of every member of IEEE and everyone who ever published with IEEE. I've learned to check every variation of a name I can think of. Hyphens, variant spellings, and of course, mistakes made by the person who entered the name: hyphenated names spelled all together as one (Smithbarney), O'brien spelled obrian, hyphenated first names being put in the first and middle name fields (Jung-Wen is not the same as Jung Wen), and simple misspellings. And the difficulty of finding someone with a Chinese family name in our huge database is unbelievable, especially when they might use their Chinese name, their English name, or both. Many people seem to spell their names differently, or call themselves something different, every day of the week. I make an real effort to spell peoples' names the way they want them spelled, but holy crap, please just decide what your name is. Or at least decide what your name with the IEEE is!