Oh, damn. I don't even know how I got there, but this article on Oprah's website (of all places) is kind of kicking my ass right now.

Somewhere deep inside of me I knew that if 100 percent Pam was really starting to piss Randy off, then maybe 60 percent Pam would piss him off less. I didn't articulate that to myself, and the fact that I didn't scares me. I shut myself down incrementally without being forced or even asked.

[link] (warning - anyone who's got an ill pet may not want to read this right now)

Fuuuuck. I do this, again and again, without realizing it consciously. I make myself smaller, I bend and contort to fit into other peoples' live. Must keep working on not doing that.

I bend and contort to fit into other peoples' live.

I have always, *always* done that. I let people tell me what I should be, what I should do, what I should *want* -- and then I do that.

I'm way better at not doing it now, but I do still do it. I catch myself doing it far too often.

So, I feel you.

smonster, Teppy, and the rest of you, I really like you at 100% even when you piss me off.

So my bestest GF is drinking wine with me watching the Cain harassment news stuff and she says, so what man over 25 hasn't been accused of harassment. Um, almost every man in my life. Chica, you are totally hanging around with the wrong men. She constantly encounters it and accepts it as par for the course. Not! I got ranty with her. (not the first time) Don't tell me this stuff happens all the time. Make it stop.

eta: just for clarity, this was last evening, not drinking wine at this hour

I used to work at a place where one of the men used sexual innuendo and "jokes" to cut down women. The people in charge knew. At one point we had a "peer review" where a team of people from the industry came in, went through our business practices, etc., and evaluated them. In their report they warned that this guy was a sexual harassment suit waiting to happen ... and the administrators did nothing. Some places the misogyny is so deeply embedded, and the fear of reprisals so great, that you live with it. And move on when possible.

just for clarity, this was last evening, not drinking wine at this hour

Damn, and I was just thinking, "I want to go to there... right now!"

Sitting with Laura, with or without wine, is always a good thing.

I would make an exception and happily drink wine with you at any hour, Jen!

(obviously, chopped liver ... with no wine)

Guys, thanks for the good thoughts! Check hit this morning, and our auto-pays went through AFTER, without being dinged for OD charges....BUT D's company had told the staff they would pay for any OD charges incurred by this snafu. Apparently, their upper echelon is frothing and fuming and preparing to kick ass, take names, etc.

GO, PISSED OFF IT CONSULTANT EXECS!

Fuuuuck. I do this, again and again, without realizing it consciously. I make myself smaller, I bend and contort to fit into other peoples' live. Must keep working on not doing that.

I think a lot of people, men and women (but the numbers skew higher for women) do this. I did it for a while. It hurt.

There's an element of compromise in every relationship, and there's work every person needs to do on their flaws, being self-aware, etc., but, by god, you want someone who will fall in love with and want the real you, warts and all.

I think there's a real learning curve between letting your full-on freak flag fly at the beginning of a relationship and presenting an image that's not indicative of the real you. It's a line; sometimes, you fall off.

But I am fully in favor of being YOU. Nothing is sexier and more appealing than a person who likes themselves (for the most part -- perfection/outrageous arrogance is annoying), acknowledges their quirks, and acknowledges, laughs at, and works on their flaws -- people get a sense of "Hey, if they can do this for themselves, maybe, just maybe, s/he can do this for me, too!"

Even if you don't find a match every time (and jeez, who does? .0000000000000000000001% of people?), when do DO find that match, it's more likely to be a GOOD one, a true one.

Fuuuuck. I do this, again and again, without realizing it consciously. I make myself smaller, I bend and contort to fit into other peoples' live. Must keep working on not doing that.

I do it too. And then convince myself that what I've become to please them is who really I am. I vowed I wouldn't do it again, and then when I dated L., there was a terrifying moment of clarity when I realized I was doing it again, and I couldn't stop. I finally broke up with her, about six months later. I really think that's the reason I haven't sought a relationship since then - I'm actively avoiding even the chance of one. I'm scared I'll do it again.