But not only will my last name change, but my Ms. changes to Mrs.

Wait, isn't the point of "Ms." that it doesn't denote marriage status (as opposed to Miss v. Mrs.)

part of my identity is spelling a difficult last name

Ahahahaha, yes.

I did not change my name or really even think about it as an option. I feel very much the same way le nubian does about it. We did discuss not-terribly-seriously about changing both our names to something new, but Tom was in the middle of getting his green card and knew that the feds would not be pleased about that kind of change.

JZ reminded me, one of the reasons I took H's name was I was tired of being in the dregs of the alphabet, too (I went to school with a girl whose last name, no lie, was Zyvith. I hope she married someone named Aaron).

But H and I had had the discussion, precisely because his name is difficult. Some of my friends were adamant about keeping their fathers' names. I've always missed the point of that, from a feminism stance--your father's name, your husband's name--it still a male relative's name. If you're so against taking a man's name, take your mom's name--oh, wait. Add to this is the fact I'm adopted. Legally, but still, I was not particularly attached to the name, which is not particularly attractive, and as I said earlier, latterly in the the alphabet, and I was rattling on about not really feeling as though I had a name of my own.

Whereupon, Himself cupped my nape in his hand, touched our foreheads together, and said, "Take mine." So, of course, I did.

You mean you didn't change your name to McWarnigle?

You nor Tom?

We've been laboring under a misapprehension all this while?

You mean you didn't change your name to McWarnigle?

Not technically, no. Sad but true!

I think whether I was willing to change my name would depend on the person's name I was contemplating! I'd also be willing to consider a mashup name. Because at some point we'd probably have to discuss kid last names, and that just gets complicate (Plus if you have kids and have different names, you end up being "Mrs. [Kid'slastname]" to everyone anyway)

Oddly, in some ways I am more attached to my last name than my first name, so...yeah.

Wait, isn't the point of "Ms." that it doesn't denote marriage status (as opposed to Miss v. Mrs.)

Yes indeed. That's more important to me than the name itself, honestly.

One family I work with sort it out by giving their girl children the mom's name and the boy's, the dad's.

My mom recently told me that when I was a kid, I suggested we could do just that in our family. She appreciated the gesture, but she never liked her last name much anyway, so she didn't really care that my brother and I didn't share it. But she never changed her name to my dad's, which is one reason why I always knew I wouldn't change my last name either.

Deciding on a last name for our kids, though, was much trickier. We ended up going with M's last name, which I think was the right decision -- primarily because it meant so much to his parents, after his brother's death, that our kids, who would be their only grandkids, would have their name -- but I do sometimes feel like I let down the feminist team with that one. I have at least three (female) friends I can think of whose kids took their last names, and I admit it makes me feel a little bit jealous.

But, you know, it really is one of those things where the right decision is whatever feels right to you. And Teppy, I totally understand wanting your names to match so that it's easier for people to think of you as a family. I think especially if you don't have kids, the name is sort of the primary signifier that means, "We are a family."

I found out in the past year or so that Dad's (and my) last name only goes back to his grandfather. Great-granddad's last name is different from his siblings and parents. I don't know if we were great-granddad's second family or he was expelled from his family or if there's some other scandal. It's all lost in time and whatnot. (I'm assuming it was a thing, since it would have been 1880-1900.)

So I'm not attached to my family name because it has deep ancestral roots. But it is what I grew up and lived with. It's how I think of myself.

Changing her name was never even an issue for Biyi. It's simply not done in Chinese culture. We decided to carry that through, and Ryan has two names - an English name, including my family name, and a Chinese name, using Biyi's family name. It's not equal - only his English name appears on his birth certificate - but his Chinese name isn't simply a novelty. Anyone addressing him in Chinese uses it. I particularly like that it shows that not only does he come from two families, but also from two cultures.

A couple of other notes: his Chinese given name starts with a generational name, which in his case is Yŏu (pronounced 'yo'), meaning 'to have'. When you take all the generational names, one after the other in order, they make a poem. I think that's excellently cool. His full given name is Yŏu Rén, which means kind or benevolent, and is the first Confucian virtue. Plus, it sounds quite a bit like 'Ryan'.

I usually explain his English name, 'Ryan', by saying that it means 'little king'. In China, the tendency of many families to lavish attention and all familial expectations on their only permitted child is called the Little Emperor Syndrome. But Ryan's only half-Chinese, so he's a Little King.