I found out in the past year or so that Dad's (and my) last name only goes back to his grandfather. Great-granddad's last name is different from his siblings and parents. I don't know if we were great-granddad's second family or he was expelled from his family or if there's some other scandal. It's all lost in time and whatnot. (I'm assuming it was a thing, since it would have been 1880-1900.)

So I'm not attached to my family name because it has deep ancestral roots. But it is what I grew up and lived with. It's how I think of myself.

Changing her name was never even an issue for Biyi. It's simply not done in Chinese culture. We decided to carry that through, and Ryan has two names - an English name, including my family name, and a Chinese name, using Biyi's family name. It's not equal - only his English name appears on his birth certificate - but his Chinese name isn't simply a novelty. Anyone addressing him in Chinese uses it. I particularly like that it shows that not only does he come from two families, but also from two cultures.

A couple of other notes: his Chinese given name starts with a generational name, which in his case is Yŏu (pronounced 'yo'), meaning 'to have'. When you take all the generational names, one after the other in order, they make a poem. I think that's excellently cool. His full given name is Yŏu Rén, which means kind or benevolent, and is the first Confucian virtue. Plus, it sounds quite a bit like 'Ryan'.

I usually explain his English name, 'Ryan', by saying that it means 'little king'. In China, the tendency of many families to lavish attention and all familial expectations on their only permitted child is called the Little Emperor Syndrome. But Ryan's only half-Chinese, so he's a Little King.

My maiden name had 14 letters and two hypens. Neither of the nyphens came from hyphenating my mom's and dad's last names together - it all came from my dad. And yes, I would max out the spaces available on many forms. I can't put my maiden name into Facebook because of the two hyphens.

I happily took and kept KCD's last name. I've had it longer than I had my maiden name.

My mom kept her married name long after her divorce but one day, when she was in her late 50's, she decided to go back to her maiden name. Within 48 hours she had gotten everything switched back. I'm still not quite sure what prompted the change.

After years of HR admin work, I have to admit I really came to dislike hyphenated names.

It's not just you, there is a whole slew of BS that women with hyphenated names--or at least women like me who had an actual credit history before marriage--have to go through that no one else does. Like NONE of my old credit cards are willing to let me change my official name to my ACTUAL name. The phone company won't let me change my name on the billing for the phone. My health insurance won't let me change my name either. Social security was kind enough to deign to let me use my new name, but they--swear to God--screwed up my official birthdate on their paperwork (a transcription error) and now we need to use the WRONG BIRTHDATE on our taxes or they will be rejected by the IRS. It's all very minor but it really bugs.

The irony? Since most of the credit cards were originally in my name, they are all fine with DH having a hyphen. But if the WOMAN is the primary card or insurance holder, allowing me the courtesy of using my actual name fucks up their files.

I tried to counter with Pond but he said he'd only be willing if we went with Who.

Excellent! Which leaves Pond for Daniel and me.

It's not just you, there is a whole slew of BS that women with hyphenated names--or at least women like me who had an actual credit history before marriage--have to go through that no one else does. Like NONE of my old credit cards are willing to let me change my official name to my ACTUAL name. The phone company won't let me change my name on the billing for the phone. My health insurance won't let me change my name either. Social security was kind enough to deign to let me use my new name, but they--swear to God--screwed up my official birthdate on their paperwork (a transcription error) and now we need to use the WRONG BIRTHDATE on our taxes or they will be rejected by the IRS. It's all very minor but it really bugs.

I haven't had trouble with banks or my debit cards, but I have been yelled at by the lady at the dry cleaners. And all of my medical records are either under my maiden name or under my name without the hyphen in one big long name because their computer programs will not allow for hyphens. This makes calling any doctor's office (which is something I do often) and actually having them find my file a big huge pain in the ass.

I'm all for people being able to use any names they choose for themselves.

However, I know for a fact that hyphenated or even particularly long names can be problematic for any number of systems. Last name fields are often limited to a certain number of characters. And sometimes hyphens aren't recognized in an alpha field or they come out funky when you download or output the data. Stuff like that, even before you try to label somebody's personnel file and have to shrink it down to 8 pt type.

Like, my first search on the subject turned up Don't use hyphens in your database names.

"Better to stick to lower case column names consisting only of alphanumeric characters and the underscore character (MySQL column names cannot begin with a digit 0-9). This will make your MySQL project more portable across operating systems and system configurations. Even if it is legal to use the hyphen character in a MySQL database name or table name, avoid doing so as it will eventually cause problems (if a PHP script treats it as a minus sign when processing code, and you end up wasting hours trying to figure out what's wrong)."

This makes calling any doctor's office (which is something I do often) and actually having them find my file a big huge pain in the ass.

Yeah, that too. Honestly, women have been hyphenating their names for decades, it's not a new phenomenon. If society wanted to catch up with the times, it could. It's just resistance. Like I said, in my case I think part of the problem is that we did the "unusual" thing of putting DH on my accounts rather than the other way around. Because Name #2 has a lot more leeway than the original name on the account.

Don't use hyphens in your database names.

Like I said, if society (in this case database programers) wanted to catch up, they could.