{{{Strix}}} It sounds like you are taking the right steps to get help.

Suzi, I'm sorry today didn't go well for you.

My fever is down a bit, but I still feel lousy.

I had my "pre op" appointment for the tubal occlusion. I'm not going to be under "twilight" anesthesia so I'll have to go without food and water. My doctor was really really nice and told me that based on his schedule I'd probably be at the end of the day but to ask the surgery center if I could eat or drink something about 12 hours before the procedure rather than just saying nothing after midnight.

{{{{Strix}}}}} Good on you for asking for help, getting help, and being self-aware. That's so damned hard when the monsters keep trying to take control.

In totally other news, I had my best Dr visit every with a uro-gynecologist. I expected it to be utterly terrible, just given the area in question and the fact that it was with a specialist at a teaching hospital (OHSU) so I knew there would be at least one student doing the "ooooh, so THAT's what it looks like IRL" route and that's never super fun. But the Dr was fantastic, super personable, totally listened to me, totally asked all the right questions and gave all the reassurances and while not a pleasant experience physically it was a great experience emotionally. When has that ever happened to me? I'm giving Dr Mary Denman all the kudos.

Sounds like things are going forward ,askye.

And yay for good doctors

Until you can find a therapist, Strix (and anyone else struggling with mild depression and/or anxiety), I recommend ecouch. You may have heard me talking about moodgym before, that's the earlier version, and I still refer to it that way because I love the thought of just working out regularly on my mental health. Anyway, it's a free online mental health resource that assesses your mental health, gives you some information about what you might be dealing with, and talks you through and gives you exercises on working out some methods for dealing with stuff.

It doesn't replace a good in person therapist, but it can be a good stopgap while you're looking, and it doesn't have a lot of the barriers involved (I have to go out? What if I don't like the therapist! Maybe they're judging me.) because there aren't actually people involved, just you and the tools.

I tried moodgym but didn't get far because I had the feeling that some of the issues being addressed were trending towards a younger audience. I was probably misreading it but I look forward to looking at ecouch.

No, it definitely was intended for a younger audience. And ecouch is as well. I just ignore the bits about relating to parents and whatnot.

Online mental health care for the old and computer-literate!

There's this website called Daily Challenge, [link] I think it's affiliated with Psych Central. And it has "tracks" with daily micro challenges you do about different things. As you do stuff you get points and badges and what not and you can post what you did and comment on what other people have posted.

The challenges depend on what track - there's tracks like All Day Energy. Conquering Clutter, Fit at Work, Exploring Emotions, Quick Cardio, Simple Cuisine, and other things.

and the challenge maybe something like do a specific stretch 10 times, or eat something rich in Vitamin C today or do the child's pose.

It has a way for you to add friends but you don't have to do that. I have to admit I've been slack about it but I'm planning on getting back and doing it.

Strix, I think you are an amazing person, and facing this as straightforwardly as you are is just more proof of that.

and I just want to reiterate what other wiser people have posted:

WindSparrow:

Depression is a dragon we have to slay every day. At some point in the future it may stay dead, but there is no guarantee of that for any of us.

askye:

OF course we respect you and love you. You're not a bad person AT ALL. You are kind and funny and generous and brave and a good person...

StephL:

Dealing with it won't be a breeze, but you are tough and smart and strong AND you have an amazing support system, including us. So when you don't *feel* tough and smart and strong, we can help you find it again.

Trudy Booth:

Take a look back at your life. Think, "Dude, I could be sooooooo much crazier than I am." Because you're a marvel of mental health relative to what you could be. And you should pat yourself on the back for that.

Hugs!