Looks like I'm rescheduled for a consult next week and then trying again with the Mirena on April 19th. Grrrrr. I mean, yes, it is only a month more, but clearly I had gotten myself spun up over this. Sigh.

askye, I have had three. One, they were like "you have to come back; we forgot to turn the machine on."

Two, they let me take my ambien, and told me I had mild sleep apnea when I sleep on my back (they woke me a lot and told me to switch positions)and I should get a CPAP machine. When they hooked me to one both time, I had a panic attack --and besides I DON'T sleep on my back!

I don't have trouble staying asleep; my brain works and works and I can't fall asleep. And I know when I DO fall asleep, I have good REM sleep; I have vivid (mostly) awesome dreams and wake up rested and satisfied.

I did a lot of research after my friends and DH had amini-intervention for me last night, and CBT was the most successful strategy. My friends wanted me to flush my Xanax and Ambien, and I wouldn't, and I'm glad I said no, because all research points to tapering off WITH concurrent CBT and talk therapy.

And my meatspace friends are awesomely supportive. One's an art therapist, one's an art teacher, and the other is starting to teach yoga, and she's trying to get me a scholarship with her yoga studio, because I can't afford it, I love it, and it's a great addition to my...journey? (That sounds so woo-woo.) But she was an alcoholic until a year ago, is sober and her life has completely turned around. Yoga was her therapy, and spirituality. I'm less spiritual, but yoga is great for me.

Wow, talky meat Strix! I should be working, but I am processing a lot today -- it's pretty much all I can think about.I guess...I'm working on me. I can't do my best on other people's stuff while I have the equivalent of a...what? Broken leg? Appendicitis?

Ah, well, at least I can laugh at myself!

Life is a journey-- that isn't woo-woo. I am not spiritual, but I do think that our 'job ' is to find as much happiness,/cotenntment that we can and give as much as we can.

as much as we can - differnt for everyone, different at every time of our lives.

I think Yoga is good, because it promotes body awareess. And I just picked up a new yoga magazine with 21 poses and 17 routines.

because more serenity might be my goal for my 5oth year

I hope you can get a scholarship if the yoga works for you .

Sorry the sleep tests didn't work out. I hope your psychiatrist is really good and helps you taper off safely.

It is so good to hear that you have DH and your friends there to support and encourage you. Hugs.

Nora, no big deal. I mean, what DO you say?! Its awkward.I just figured you were busy.

Definitely been super busy and it's not the kind of email I wanted to toss a quick response off to! And when I say, "I didn't know what to say," it was more, "My words and I feel inadequate to impart comfort or support." So it wasn't like I felt awkward, I just... I dunno. I'm happy to see you here though. Easier to converse!

My words and I feel inadequate to impart comfort or support.

Heh...I have SO been there!

askye, I think sleep studies can be really useful for certain sleep disorders, but just not for mine. And all those electrodes! "Now sleep normally, Miss." Are you fucking KIDDING me?!

Thanks all, for letting me blab all day. My IRL support are at work, and you kept me from obsessing all day, and watching "The Body" and "Once More With Feeling" 8000 times and sobbing hysterically.

Aw, Strix.

Two thoughts:

Take a look back at your life. Think, "Dude, I could be sooooooo much crazier than I am." Because you're a marvel of mental health relative to what you could be. And you should pat yourself on the back for that.

Have you tried anti-anxiety medication for the insomnia? Sometimes my insomnia is better treated with Ativan than Ambien. I can pretty much feel which one will be better but sometimes its a matter of one didn't work two nights in a row so I switch on night three.

hugs, Strix

So proud of you, Strix.