possibly a very small, private college where his behavior would be under more scrutiny than a large public school

That sounds like a good idea. In a really big university, he could get lost really easily.

My dad and my brother have been talking to Jake about the Navy, and he's thinking about it. I sort of can't imagine him getting through boot camp, but if he does, it could be a really good choice for him.

My nephew just finished boot camp in the Navy and it has been awesome for him turning his life around. He had a pot bust and couldn't get a job. He has done fabulously in the Navy so far. I'm so proud of him, and he is proud of himself for the first time in his life.

Listening to B talking with his cousin a couple weeks ago when he was home on leave, and knowing him makes me feel it would be a disaster for B. His biggest problem in school was that he was smarter than many of the teachers and he is argumentative with all authority figures. Very frustrating because he absolutely believes he is smarter and better than everyone at everything. He is very smart and learns and tests with ease, but seriously he knows nothing at all! But he won't know that until another decade or so passes.

Long term I feel confident he will figure it out, but short term he is in bad shape.

Jake responds fantastically to praise, and craves attention. So the Navy could be good for him, as long as he's willing to do the work -- and he does know boot camp is not exactly a walk in the park on a Sunday afternoon.

Still, we'll see. It's up to him. I just want him to move forward in some way.

Another upside with my nephew is he gained 35 pounds in boot camp! He only weighed 125, and he is 6 foot or so. He looks great. They did a bunch of dental work on him too which was nice. It was tough, but it gave him a real sense of accomplishment. He did very well on the testing which felt good too.

I'm expecting B to get to the office soon. He had enough money to get a single bus ride. He still hasn't gotten through to lost and found to see if his license and passes were turned in.

I'm thinking of putting together some options for him.

Laura, the smoking is also a big thing with people with ADHD. It apparently stimulates the frontal lobe, so it is self-medicating for ADHD people.

Laura, he sounds a lot like my cousin did. My cousin is the same age as me, and when we were teenagers, he got in a lot of trouble with drugs and alcohol. Through the time that I was in college, he was mostly smoking pot and not doing much of anything else. But when we were in our mid-twenties, he somehow realized that it was time to grow up. He took some college classes in computer stuff, which interested him, and now he's got a really great job at a computer security firm. Last week, his mother emailed all of us an article where he was mentioned as coming up with some kind of new security algorithm. So, I don't really have any advice, but I can tell you that it can work out OK.

Glad to hear the good news about your mother, Daniel!

Good luck with the interview, Karl.

Laura, B reminds me a lot of my nephew, who did flunk out of boot camp for that exact reason; he was mouthy, know-it-all, oppositional in everything. They finally gave him a psych eval which profiled him with Oppositional Disorder and they gave him the boot from boot camp and an RE-4 (not suitable for military service.) He flailed around after high school for a long time, but has managed to do fairly well in retail selling computers and home entertainment systems where being the know-it-all can actually get him the big commissions. He can still butt heads occasionally with authority figures, but his supervisors like his sales numbers so they keep him around.

I have no good advice for Laura, other than hugs and sympathies, and "yep, sure does sound awfully ADHD-y". But it makes me roll my eyes all the more at my own parents, who frequently act(ed) like their children have somehow failed them. Which, sure, they had a lot of problems with my brother when he was young, but he graduated high school top of his class, and all three of us have not been arrested, graduated college, and support ourselves (even if we appreciate the occasional generous Christmas present). What more they want, I have no idea. They seem to do it less these days, but they still act kinda skeptical about us having our shit together. Which...dudes. I am 35. I haven't asked for your support since two months out of college. Lighten the hell up!

The ADD stuff sounds oh, so familiar. All my best thoughts for a good solution, Laura, and Amy. And many hugs of solidarity. And, you know, just hugs in general.

Good news for your mom, Daniel. My good wishes never got typed, but they were fervently thought. As are mine for your nephew, Cash.

Glad you're back, Strix. What a horrid cascade of illness. Evil dominoes.

All best thoughts, Karl, always.

Laura, I also got nothing except yeah, that sounds real ADHD-y. I hope he's able to pull it together before he drives you both round the bend.