Laura, I also got nothing except yeah, that sounds real ADHD-y. I hope he's able to pull it together before he drives you both round the bend.

Good news, Daniel. Thanks for letting us know.

~ma, Karl.

Laura, what Strix said in particular. To be totally honest, from an outside perspective, you are enabling him. I would cover the ADHD eval, and maybe meds, and nothing else. If you feel alone and overwhelmed, you may want to try an Al-Anon meeting - I guarantee you would meet people who have been through the same or worse with their kids, and you may get some insight from people who have been those kids.

I know you love him so much, and it's so hard to say no. But enabling isn't really love, and he will not grow up until there are consequences for his actions.

I hope I haven't overstepped my bounds, I know this is all much easier said than done. I really feel a support group could help you find your way through this.

Though, arguably, if he agrees to pursue diagnosis/treatment (and, you know, does ) you're more along the facilitating that. He's a young enough guy that a certain amount of taking care of him while he's working on a diagnosis and sorting out medications and therapies and what steps to take next (small college? college at all?) doesn't seem beyond the pale.

And hopefully I won't seem completely contrary, but unless you think he's an addict (which you may well think and he may well be) I don't know if Al-Anon is the way to go. In my (admittedly limited and very negative) experience, the default explaination for everything is the person's addicition. You had a quarrel with a friend? Well, your son is an addict. You have trouble focusing on your work? Sons an addict. I found this tendency frequently unhelpful even when my loved one actually WAS an addict.

If you do get a diagnosis of ADD/ADHD, bi-polar, or something else a support group for those families would probably be tremendously helpful for all the reasons smonster states.

No one has overstepped. I really appreciate the objective opinions. It is difficult to look at it without emotion.

Though, arguably, if he agrees to pursue diagnosis/treatment (and, you know, does ) you're more along the facilitating that. He's a young enough guy that a certain amount of taking care of him while he's working on a diagnosis and sorting out medications and therapies and what steps to take next (small college? college at all?) doesn't seem beyond the pale.

I agree with Trudy on this.

Oh Laura, I wish I had something to say other than I feel for you. This is not your fault, but I can only imagine how agonizing it is watching B make choices that hurt all of you.

Much love to you.

I don't know what to say, because it can be hard to know where support ends, and attempting to...function for someone(whatever the underlying causes might be for being erratic) starts. I also feel a little bitter to this day that my stepmonster only read the *tough* part of the Toughlove articles, but hopefully you all have a deeper shared history than we had. And you're not a nutcase.

And you're not a nutcase.

Well, the jury is still out on that one.

Oh, Laura, that is so hard and it's painful for me to read as I was basically B at that age. I partied hard, failed/dropped out of college, and was pretty much going nowhere fast from about 20-23. My parents had paid for school and living expenses until I dropped out. Then they told me if I went back to school, they'd cover school expenses, but I had to cover my own rent, food, etc. Here are the two things that finally turned me around, and unfortunately they are not things you can force:

1.) I moved from San Diego to a smaller, less party friendly town (to live with my boyfriend at the time!), so I was out of my party girl environs and settled into a relationship.

2.) The first job I got in the town was with someone I went to high school with and she was an accountant who had graduated from USC. I was the receptionist. It didn't take me long to be all, "Huh. Look at how well Jen is doing over there! I don't think I really want to do this job for the rest of my life."

So I figured out what major I wanted (English - was Journalism), enrolled in classes at the local junior college and transferred as a Junior to a local state school. My parents kept their word and covered school tuition and books, but that was it. I had to (and did) find a job that worked with my school schedule and paid me enough (barely) to live. And I graduated in 2 years!

I guess that's a long way to say he is young and there is still hope. I think you're going to have to employ some tough love to get there, which sucks. Hugs from a reformed crazy party girl!