OMG this corset!

And this one, this one, this one, and okay so it's not a corset, but this this this!

Alice in Wonderland, non-foofy floral, and a bibliophilic corset.

eta: More Alice.

YAY NORA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and Maria- relationships are complex - that is just the way of things. Even the best ones have odd kicks in their gallops. And even the best person shows more of thier darker side to the ones they are closest too. So I know your complaints were from you r side, and I know you sa the good in rob too. right now, every one is shoving the wonderful in your face- which is Not the whole picture. Over time, I wish you peace

Nora, that is FANTASTIC!

Lots of surgical~ma for your nephew, Cash!

All these links are making me want a corset for the first time in my life.

Nora! Awesome news. I'm very excited and pleased for you.

Still have no interest in a corset although I do enjoy seeing them on other people.

Surgical ~ma for Daniel's mom and Cash's nephew.

Continued health~ma for the Buffisistas fighting various bugs and germs.

And now I moan about mememe although I feel the guilt since other people have worse trauma in life. And yet I was crying all night and up at 4:30 this morning with the hopelessness that comes with parenting an incompetent adult. I am at a total loss as to the right thing to do.

Short version is that last November my son decided to move out and room with the same guy that he roomed with before. The last time cost me a bunch of cash and brokenheartedness as it fell apart. The roomie left because of the disgusting party environment, lack of rent payment, etc. Why he decided to take B in again as a housemate in a new place is a mystery, but no doubt he regrets the decision. So 3 months later B owes over a grand to roomie and is going to be kicked out. He hasn't been able to pay because he has barely been working due to oversleeping, transportation issues, whatever.

The last couple weeks I made a concentrated effort to get him on a better track in life. He has yet to make it to work on time. I registered him in local college since he hasn't managed to do it himself. I haul his ass to school to take placement tests, and guess what, he has no driver license because he has lost it, again. So I haul him to DMV and he needs birth certificate, proof of address, SSN, etc due to FL new law so I gather all that crap and give to him, and the money for license and testing of course.

His car is dead so I give him a couple long ext cords to run from his house to charger. I buy him bus passes for 2 counties because he lives in one and works in another. (of course I told him initially moving so far away was stupid) It costs him about $20 a day to drive to work, but it takes several hours via bus, so lose-lose options.

So last night he asks if I can advance him his tax refund of $500 so he can give it to roomy then he has to pay $250 a week until he catches up. After talking to DH this seemed a better plan than having him move home and disrupt my peace and harmony on the home front. So that was decided.

Then, he tells me he has lost both bus passes, his license, and his bank card on the bus ride home. Because he constantly dumps all the stuff out of his pockets because he wears his shorts down below his butt. He will be 21 this Saturday.

I just sobbed last night in disappointment. How did 2 such capable and independent parents create this incompetent human? I don't know what to do. If I had given him the $500 yesterday that would have been lost too. He is just completely irresponsible. His life is partying and playing video games. He talks a good game. His placement tests were astounding because he is brilliant, but just incompetent.

Sorry for the painful brain dump. There is no solution. I just don't have anyone else to spill it to. Thank heavens I have DH, although he has no solutions, at least he sobs with me. Alas, he also blames himself and I am past that. I refuse at this point to take responsibility for a 21 yo's screw ups. And yet, having him live in a park isn't a good option either.

Sorry, I should bind my typing fingers.

Oh Laura. It really sucks that he seems so determined to go back down this path.

Sorry, I should bind my typing fingers.

You absolutely should not. {{{Laura}}} I'm so sorry. I hope something clicks for him and soon.

{{Laura}} I am so sorry that B continues to cause you so much mental anguish. I'm curious, though, and if this is too nosy you can tell me to piss off. Has B ever been tested for ADHD or being bipolar (a lot of the symptoms overlap and can be comorbid in bipolar disorder)? I am bipolar and know (and have in my family) people with both, so I have seen many of the same problems/issues in great detail. In many cases, the pot smoking/drinking, etc. is a form of self-medication, which just exacerbates the problems.

If you haven't yet, consider getting B in to a medical professional who can help determine if one of these things is what is contributing to B's poor behavior. I know for me, when I'm not medicated, one of my biggest problems is an inability to budget appropriately and I would often be borrowing from Peter to pay Paul because shopping was my form of self-medication. When I was younger, it was also lots and lots of booze, which doesn't help the spending problem either.

I hope things start to ease up for you and I'm sorry if I'm preaching to the choir. If this is something you'd like to discuss through e-mail, I can be reached at my profile addy.

I do think that B would be willing to be evaluated at this point. We have good insurance. (bless you Obamacare for keeping him on my policy till 26) He is disgusted with himself and his lack of achievement. He drinks and smokes. I know he is chemically odd in that caffeine calms him and sedatives excite him. He makes his money by taking friends on line tests for them because math and science are easy for him, and cards of course because he can count cards. Even he knows these aren't permanent career choices.

But oh my, finding a competent professional is a daunting task too!