Daniel, lots of Mom~ma headed out.

Thanks, Sail. I’m actually not too worried about that one, since it’s only 2 lines, and there’s other stuff going on with her that will probably be more salient

Oh! Thanks, Ginger.

Maria, I’ve not been commenting on your FB posts, but I am sitting over here vibing peace-ma to you. If there’s anything I can do to be helpful, I am happy to. For example, I have fantastic listening ears.

I went through a similar thing with my friend of more then 20 years, sj. She would call me out of the blue and FREAK out, and freak me out, and disengage with her support system, and stop taking her meds, and when she wanted to lash out, I was a handy target.

She's very lonely and I think that she gets angry that I got married and a couple of times she's said that we're too different or that I'm a shifty person or whatever. The first time she did it, I was devastated... but relieved not to be getting the two hour phone calls. She came back around after a while like nothing had happened, and I let her. I had known her tor more than half my life, and I loved her and I missed her.

The second time it happened, I was done.

Daniel, much ~ma for your mom.

Cereal because my kindle wouldn't let me scroll to finish.

I realized that the toxic nature of our friendship wasn't going to change. She was too damaged, and I was too hurt and tired. And I realized that I didn't trust her with my friendship. So even though I recently re-friended her on facebook, I know I can't be her friend anymore.

It sounds cold blooded, but my family stuff has taught me that if you don't look out for your own emotional well-being, you run a big risk of getting tangled with people that don't treat you as anything but balm for their own needs.

Much ~ma for Daniel's mother.

It sounds cold blooded

No it doesn't. It sounds sane.

Pix, birthday wishes are fine. I'm not going to stop folks from doing that. It's going to be a long time before the day will be anything but sad, but life goes on. I hope.

While I feel like I'm oversharing on FB most of the time, I can't really be honest there. This is my space to get rid of the stuff in the blackest part of my heart, in the hopes that I don't bottle it up so it poisons me.

Speaking of blackened heart, the following pisses me off to no end. It was posted by a friend of his--that I had no clue existed. All it makes me wonder is where the hell was this person that she so glowingly talks about? He certainly wasn't around me.

Happy Early B-day Rob P!!! This Saturday would have been your 41st birthday bash! You were one of my very best buds who treated me like family when I felt like I had no one... You had a heart of gold and I have yet to meet a more selfless man.

To one of my best friends who I wish SO MUCH was still here! I have missed you ALL year Rob- keep flying your jets and watching over the ones who love you! I'll be having a Crown & Ginger in honor of you on Sat.! Cheers!

***A year ago we were having lunch, drinking beers & laughing about life... and I hate myself for taking that for granted. Luckily my heart carries a great deal of faith & for that blessing you're still right here with me... being the friend you always knew how to be. . . xoxo, Katie.

My pain is no more special than anyone else's, but when I didn't even know about her but they were "best buds," I get a little aggravated. I was his fucking wife. And there was so much that was kept from me.

This is my space to get rid of the stuff in the blackest part of my heart, in the hopes that I don't bottle it up so it poisons me.

I'm glad you can share the darkest parts here. And I hope that part eases.

And I so desperately hope that it doesn't change what you all think of me. I know I can be petty, but you are important to me and it matters how you perceive me. That group of people is a lot smaller than it used to be.