{{{Maria}}}

The tricky bit for me now is also wanting to avoid wheat, corn, sugar and soy. I think something is going to have to give in that formula.

I know a bunch of gluten-free vegans, and soy and corn aren't that hard to avoid if you cook your own food (but nearly impossible to avoid if you eat a lot of pre-made stuff.)

Oh do I understand, Beverly. I had massive diverse emotions through and after DH's passing. I resented his refusal to sign a DNR, leaving it to me after he lapsed into a coma; I was angry with him for leaving me with an old house with a huge yard in a city I would never have chosen. And so much more. It has been 25 years and I still have the scars. And the bitterness and anger was there despite treasuring him and being madly in love with him.

It is about as emotionally complex as a life experience can be and there is no rhyme or reason or right or wrong with the emotions that hit you at expected and unexpected times and places.

As a completely irrational example, I can see 3 of his siblings with nothing but happy emotions, one of his sisters I can't bear to see because she looked so much like him that I am paralyzed with grief knowing that that was what he would have looked like if he had the option to age. I love her, but just too painful to see her. (no I could never tell her)

{{Maria}} Grieving is such a singular thing; nobody does it the same, there is no map, there just is. (Starting to sound like Yoda, sorry about that.) I'll just wish you strength~ma to weather whatever comes your way.

Went in to work for four hours to start training the student hourly. I planned on staying until 7, but everyone started telling me to go home by 5:30. So now I'm in my jammies watching the A-Team. I doubt I'll make it to my regular bedtime, tonight. I've got to set up a VPN before that, though, so I can work from home tomorrow if I'm still feeling like crap. After that, all bets are off.

but nearly impossible to avoid if you eat a lot of pre-made stuff.)

Right. After seeing Paul Zaloom's performance piece,'Phud'...in which he illustrated the various forms of bovine blood found in the common packaged food ingredient list, including 'natural flavoring'...I know a choice for processed food is generally a choice for something I don't want.

Grieving is such a singular thing; nobody does it the same, there is no map, there just is.

So much this.

bonny, I'm glad to see you back and doing all right.

Maria, I can't add to anything already but echo it. I'm always impressed at how willing you are to engage with what you're feeling. I didn't; I shut down and it took me years to really deal with it and start to move on.

I could never comfortably live in the deep South red states anymore. It's bad enough here in Virginia, though I've found this little mostly-liberal pocket. But I need mountains and forests.

Hiya, bonny. Glad you are feeling better.

Maria, I have no wise words of my own, just adding my love and support and listening eyes (what?) to the rest of the Bitches.

{{{ Maria }}}

Thanks Zen and smonster.

It's good to be seen! t /Tick

I'm okay. A bit washed out, but okay. Seeing the podiatrist tomorrow. SO hoping for a long term solution to avoid this ugliness ever happening again.

SO hoping for a long term solution to avoid this ugliness ever happening again.

And to this end is where I will direct the ~ma. Good to see you getting back to normal.