Basically, I feel like I'm a bad widow.
Zoe: First rule of battle, little one. Don't ever let 'em know where you are. Mal: Whoo-hoo! I'm right here! I'm right here! You want some of me? Yeah, you do! Come on! Come on! Aaah! Whoo-hoo! Zoe: Of course, there are other schools of thought...
'The Message'
Spike's Bitches 47: Someone Dangerous Could Get In
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risqué (and frisqué), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
Maria - Nov 06, 2012 8:53:30 am PST #22416 of 30001
Not so nice is that I'm about to ruin a Friday morning for a bunch of people because of a series of unfortunate events and an upset foreign government. - shrift
DavidS - Nov 06, 2012 8:56:24 am PST #22417 of 30001
"Look, son, if it's good enough for Shirley Bassey, it's good enough for you."
Basically, I feel like I'm a bad widow.
You're wrestling with the truth. Your marriage wasn't perfect. I gotta respect the willingness to delve into the hard shit, and sort through it.
P.M. Marc - Nov 06, 2012 8:58:50 am PST #22418 of 30001
So come, my friends, be not afraid/We are so lightly here/It is in love that we are made; In love we disappear
You're an honest widow.
Remembering him honestly, both good and bad, honors him as a whole person, and not as some idealized version of himself.
Maria - Nov 06, 2012 9:05:19 am PST #22419 of 30001
Not so nice is that I'm about to ruin a Friday morning for a bunch of people because of a series of unfortunate events and an upset foreign government. - shrift
It's tough because society expects me to be a certain way. Italian society in particular. And yes, I know I shouldn't give a shit, but I can't help but care just a bit. It also doesn't help that I feel like I'm living up to his parents' opinion that I'm a money-grubbing bitch who never loved their son.
He's the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last before I go to sleep, but I'm now seeing how miserable I really was. It feels like my second chance, and I don't want my husband's freaking death to be that.
Zenkitty - Nov 06, 2012 9:05:38 am PST #22420 of 30001
Every now and then, I think I might actually be a little odd.
Basically, I feel like I'm a bad widow.
Not to contradict your feelings, but you're not. You're dealing, and dealing awfully well from my perspective.
Zenkitty - Nov 06, 2012 9:06:25 am PST #22421 of 30001
Every now and then, I think I might actually be a little odd.
Remembering him honestly, both good and bad, honors him as a whole person, and not as some idealized version of himself.
And I wrote a whole clumsy paragraph trying to say exactly that.
P.M. Marc - Nov 06, 2012 9:13:17 am PST #22422 of 30001
So come, my friends, be not afraid/We are so lightly here/It is in love that we are made; In love we disappear
He's the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last before I go to sleep, but I'm now seeing how miserable I really was. It feels like my second chance, and I don't want my husband's freaking death to be that.
And it shouldn't be. By rights, he should have made it through so that you guys could work on the core issues and find your way back to each other with mutual second chances.
Unfortunately, many deeply unfortunate and tragic life events effectively become chances to take stock of and move forward in your life. No matter how awful it feels.
JZ - Nov 06, 2012 9:14:21 am PST #22423 of 30001
See? I gave everybody here an opportunity to tell me what a bad person I am and nobody did, because I fuckin' rule.
It also doesn't help that I feel like I'm living up to his parents' opinion that I'm a money-grubbing bitch who never loved their son.
I... I'm sorry. I know they loved their son like crazy and must have been sick with grief from the moment it happened, but there is not enough NO in the world for how utterly removed from reality this is. The reality of you, of him, of your history and relationship. I'm sitting here shaking with defensive, protective, ragetastic rage on your behalf.
sj - Nov 06, 2012 9:15:14 am PST #22424 of 30001
"There are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea."
It's tough because society expects me to be a certain way. Italian society in particular. And yes, I know I shouldn't give a shit, but I can't help but care just a bit. It also doesn't help that I feel like I'm living up to his parents' opinion that I'm a money-grubbing bitch who never loved their son.
There is no right or wrong way for you to mourn, but I do understand the Italian thing. When my uncle was sick recently my aunt was essentially criticizing my mother for not falling apart more when my dad died.
Calli - Nov 06, 2012 9:16:13 am PST #22425 of 30001
I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of my soul—Calvin and Hobbs
MFNlaw, it's not quite the same, but after my parents passed away it was amazing and amazingly guilt inducing to see how much easier things like family Christmas gatherings were. They weren't abusive or alcoholic or anything. But they both had issues that took a lot of time and effort to address. The first Christmas without them was so odd. We were all sad they weren't there, but things were so much easier and more congenial.