I've never smoked, but I know what it feels like when some Very Concerned Person tells me I should lose weight. It makes me angry and despondent and insulted, and kinda makes me want to eat comfort food. As if that never occurred to me until my personal savior came up and pointed out how I was destroying my body and shortening my life span.

Also, sometimes it seems like all men just want to tell all women we're wrong

Can't argue with that, but there are plenty of women, too, who get off on telling other people what to do. Like "being concerned" and "just wanting to help" makes my business their business.

Yeah, plenty of Mrs. Kravitz types out there.

I think it's different when it's someone you have a relationship with rather than a stranger. I don't like hearing comments about my health habits from ANYONE, but I feel it's different when it's a personal concern for ME rather than a generalized comment on behavior.

I know when my dad took up smoking again after his first near-fatal heart attack and I found out, I was furious and I really yelled at him. Even as I did it, I knew it wasn't going to change anything, but the fear, the frustration and the anger of watching someone you love killing themselves in front of you can be overwhelming and hard to fight. My dad did eventually quit and we got another seven years with him which is wonderful--although my tantrum had nothing to do with it.

K-Bug's new boyfriend chews (but doesn't spit and I REALLY don't want to know how that works). Anyway, it felt like he was trying to hide it and I gently called him out on it - both chewing and hiding - but told him it was my requisite one nag and I'd try hard not to bug him cause he is an adult and can make his own choices.

Kinda on that thought - this week is going to be interesting. He lives a couple of hours away but works near us, so he is staying with us for a few days. Yes, he asked my permission first. I told him that as long as K-Bug is ok with it and he chips in for food (and basic clean up), then we can give it a go. Am I crazy for agreeing to this?

I am usually successful with holding back my smoking comments. Notable exception is my son because he is mine and I claim the right to hassle him daily if I please. Also, a pregnant employee because that bugs me.

Hec, you seem to have misread my post to say that I object to my brother's concerns instead of the manner in which he voiced them. You also seem to be the only one to have made that error.

I have more to say on the links between addiction and depression, but first a few questions for you, Hec. Have you been clinically depressed? Have you been addicted to cigarettes or other substances? Have you participated in self-harming behavior? Have you studied behavioral change theory? Have you taught health education? Have you attended 12-step meetings? Can you describe some of the overlaps between Buddhism and neuroscience?

Just trying to asses your level of knowledge before making any assumptions in discussion.

smonster, you have my sympathy. My friend H has apparently taking it upon herself to "fix" me, trying to get me to write more or trying to find me jobs, etc. She is well meaning, but it is making me feel so much worse.

Had an interesting conversation with some friends. I'lI stick with the low-key example.I have a friend. That when ever I wear a certain shade -she says - you should wear that color all the time.

I know what she means , but -should is a parental word. Someone telling you what to do. Most of my wardrobe is in the shades she is talking about, because,duh, that color looks good on me. However ,a part of me wants to go get a lemon yellow top just because and part of me wonders if she thinks I'm that clueless.

It really isn't any different with health issues, that happen to be even more personal. I can tell my DH how many calories are in a teaspoon of oil- he doesn't know. I can't tell him what to eat.

Yeah, half my moodgym work is stuff like getting rid of "shoulds," certainly not having more thrust on me.

K-Bug's new boyfriend chews (but doesn't spit and I REALLY don't want to know how that works). Anyway, it felt like he was trying to hide it and I gently called him out on it - both chewing and hiding - but told him it was my requisite one nag and I'd try hard not to bug him cause he is an adult and can make his own choices.

Ugh. I guess if he doesn't spit, I could leave it alone, but it is still nasty.