Got my final DOR (daily observation report) at work yesterday. For those of you with excellent time recall, yes, I terminated my training in June. Part of that training is that every day the coach grades the trainee on dozens of specific line items and makes notes about the trainee's performance. Of course, in reality, when a trainee is late phase (close to certification) it's mostly a list of everything that could have been done better, which is then read by the coach, trainee, supervisor, and training department.

When I quit training my coach was 7 days behind on my DOR, mostly because he liked to list every single call i touched and make notes on it....and since June was high summer nights it was very active and there was a lot to make note of. I figured they would trickle in over a few days. Since reading and responding to them was very painful for me I didn't want to deal with 7 separate documents of my failure, and figured as soon as they were ALL in, i'd closed them out (trainees are expected to fill out multiple fields and make their own documentation.)

4 months later, the last one finally comes in. So I go in to skim through and then just close them out with "x" as my documentation (there's no point in my justifying my decisions or explaining situation, yaddah yaddah since, ya know, I'm done and not going to put myself through it again. But then I made the decision of reading the damned thing. Wow. I had managed to put behind me how hurtful those last few DOR's were. Fully of snide, almost snarky comments on my mistakes (e.g.: "the plate was expired, and trainee was distracted by other transmissions so coach ran and appended the vin. Then several transmission later trainee got to the waiting reg hits and appended the same vin, not noticing that coach had already appended it." He says, from across the room. And those comments stung so much, because OF COURSE I had noticed that when I got the lower priority tasks, like appending expired vin hits, that my coach had already shamed me by doing my work for me...but what else was I supposed to do? NOT document my work? Yell across the room "Yes, I see that you aren't pleased with my speed and decided to do my work for me but here I am getting to it 3 seconds after you and duplicating the documentation because you couldn't trust me to get to it within five seconds. *sigh* That stuff pissed me off so much, because there was pretty much zero chance of me certifying when my coach wouldn't even trust me to do routine traffic stops without duplicating my every key stroke.

Oh, erin, that sucks.

Ugh, what an asshole.

Clearly, it just wasn't the right time for you to do this...perhaps if you're ever inspired to try again, you can have a coach who's into actual, y'know, coaching - helpful, encouraging, gently correcting - rather than a snarky little bitchface.

If it helps at all, I, and many other bitches hereabouts, think you're pretty awesome.

Aw, thanks :) It's just amazing how reading that even after months made my face burn red and hot with repressed anger, like I needed to defend myself but there's just no point and never was. So I worked out and petted my kitties and had a good sleep. It still stings. It's so hard to let certain things go.

Well, yeah, high-stress situation, feeling bad because it didn't go the way you wanted it to, then, instead of support, an additional attack? You'll probably have to let it go a few more times before it's really gone.

Wow, that did not come out as supportive as I meant it to. My point was your feelings are completely understandable, not that you need permission to feel your feelings, but in case you're feeling like you're being too emotional or whatever, it seems like a perfectly reasonable response to me.

Anyway, I hope you're able to permanently evict him from your head very soon.

((( Erin O )))

All things will pass, so too will this. And that which doesn't kill ya, makes ya stronger. So, when this becomes a memory, and the scab is healed, use it. learn from it. move on. And maybe, go for the promotion during the winter months next time. Either way. We all think you rock!

There's an AV, not an AB.

Okay, I can tell I was worried last night because I was even wondering how and AB would help with a virus, but I guess my brain didn't follow that thought to the end. I think the side effects are more serious AND Sammy is still 8 months old. I guess, having thought about it ALL night, I'd rather he have chicken pox.

Erin, so sorry your coach was so...not a coach. Sounds like he was really not good a what he was doing because there really isn't a place for snide comments in coaching. Even if you made mistakes, you were supposed to be learning; he wasn't.

Poor, Sammy! I hope he is feeling better soon.

{{{Erin}}} That sounds like an awful experience. I'm sorry.

~ma to all the other sick Bitches. I'm feeling better today, except I have zero energy.

A very Bitches t-shirt: link.

Tea:

A friend posted about her anniversary on facebook today, which reminded me that mine is next month. So, I ordered a nice bottle of Scotch from the liquor store for TCG. It's from the distillery we visited last year. They don't carry it, but they claim it is orderable, another liquor store said it wasn't, so I hope they are right.

Which distillery, sj?