I think he's really friendly and maybe thinks girls really want daily phone contact? I've heard that impression from guys before. I am not one of those girls. I don't see it as mean spirited in any way, but Shir, I am pretty worried about the ptsd aspect. I have zero personal experience with people going through that, and I know just barely enough of him to know that he's going through really major stuff and I admit that I'm afraid to possibly aggravate that :(

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And since it took some thought, responding to....

What kind of shops would a character visit in Portland Oregon for Goth clothes, Goth craft jewelry and decor? skull candle holders, skull necklaces only something less cliched. (Suggestions as to what is less cliched are welcome.) Also the character loves Chinese food. What is a really good Chinese restaurant in Portland? Not overly Americanized. If it is near Powells that is a plus.

Clothing: aside from the usual Goodwill thrift stores, there's:

• Another State of Mind. Downtown near Voodoo donuts (clothing, jewelry, piercing, decor, everything else including occasional rounds of specialty roast coffee supporting the Lone Fir Cemetary)
• Metro on SE Hawthorne (same, minus awesome coffe sold under the counter.)

The Hawthorne area is also chock full of upscale consignment stores catering to the hipster and punk thrifty fashionistas (e.g. Red Light, Buffalo Exchange, and any number of little boutiques that come and go).

• Alteration Nation on SE Hathorne was my first thought (shared space with Corrosion records and sold tickets to the annual Vampire Ball) but they seem to have closed...my websearch to make sure they were still open took me to an "Altered Nation" advertising clothing and piercing which sounds promising but i've never been there in person to vet. My inclination is that most goths now do a LOT of clothing shopping online, but those are the brick and mortar shops.

Chinese food more difficult, not something I seek out. Relatively close to Powell's is Chinatown (area of inner NW marked by the bright red lamp posts), that seems like a good place to start for authentic, non Americanized options, seems like there's multiple places on every block, yelp might have good reviews/recommendation. Plus Chinatown almost guarantees a nice soupcon of transients shooting up outside.

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erin, as suggested here, clear boundaries are your friends. You might want to be more blunt than usual, because boundaries are important in any case, but they're a bit more crucial when it comes to people who are operating under some kind of vagueness - may it be personal or mental one. Sometimes it's not about being blunt as making it as simple as possible to the other person.

Second, I wish I could recommend on any reading, but I can't. All I know comes from my own experiences, and experiences varies. Maybe you can ask a professional about it, but if you don't know PTSD, reading about it before might help. For one, I don't think it's that different from a relationship with someone with depression, bi-polarity or a physical illness. In the end, it's about knowing the person from the illness/situation, and accepting both. Flexibility and a sense of humor help.

And last, the golden rule. You can and should take responsibility for your own actions and words, but you can't take responsibility on the way others interpret them. Especially if you were very clear about your boundaries. (Maybe I'm just reflecting here, but that's a lesson I need a constant reminder of).

(Well, actually, under "last" I really want to write this: I don't care how many issues he's dealing it, trust me - if he'll hurt you in any way I will search and destroy, PTSD or not).

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{loves Shir and all board members}

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Love you too, hon.

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OH FFS, i'm at work and there was just another pursuit/perimeter/k9 track ending in my front yard. Ok, actually, my neighbor's front yard, but still. I don't know if it's better or worse that I'm here to see all the updates and know what's going on....

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How can he know and still take advantage? Isn't that rude?

Yes he is being rude. Deliberately walking over boundaries to see if will be tolerated. If it is tolerated he will cross more boundaries. That is why I advocate pushing back harder. Otherwise good chance he will escalate. Women are brought up to be more reluctant to be rude than men are, especially women are taught to be polite even to people who are being rude to them. Some people, mostly but not only men, take advantage of this.

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I agree with what Typo said. He's probably lonely and looking for someone to ease his pain, but if you don't want to be that person, you'd best say so flat out, and he ought to respect it and back off.

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My temperature is back down to normal today, so I think I'll just wait until I see the doctor tomorrow.

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Hil, I hope you'll feel better.

How can he know and still take advantage? Isn't that rude?

While I agree it's rude, there are several levels of how aware one is to what he knows. There's a big difference between crossing a side street in a red light in a deserted town when you're alone and there's no car around, and deliberately driving into a crowded junction in a red light with your semi trailer at 100mph. Or, an example with humans in it: I (should) know better than unleashing my morbid, twisted and, let's face it, usually offensive sense of humor on innocent strangers, but sometimes I forget that/just walked out of a room full of friends where I could speak more freely. There are a lot of things I know, but not aware to them 100% of the time. And sometimes I will fuck up. Again, taking responsibility on actions and words is the only thing one can do, and if he doesn't acknowledge it, it's a bad sign. (Wrote the one who apologizes at least 2-4 times every month on something horrible she just spat out without thinking).

Oh, and erin - one more thing about PTSD. Trust issues are gonna be there, this way or another. So from his side, it might be trying to test how much he can lean on you.

(I swear I'm not trying to make you run away from this, especially if you like him. Just trying to give general advice. It's really not as scary as it might sound, but I'm living with PTSDed folks since I was born, so what's normal to me might be unbelievably weird for others).

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