erin, as suggested here, clear boundaries are your friends. You might want to be more blunt than usual, because boundaries are important in any case, but they're a bit more crucial when it comes to people who are operating under some kind of vagueness - may it be personal or mental one. Sometimes it's not about being blunt as making it as simple as possible to the other person.
Second, I wish I could recommend on any reading, but I can't. All I know comes from my own experiences, and experiences varies. Maybe you can ask a professional about it, but if you don't know PTSD, reading about it before might help. For one, I don't think it's that different from a relationship with someone with depression, bi-polarity or a physical illness. In the end, it's about knowing the person from the illness/situation, and accepting both. Flexibility and a sense of humor help.
And last, the golden rule. You can and should take responsibility for your own actions and words, but you can't take responsibility on the way others interpret them. Especially if you were very clear about your boundaries. (Maybe I'm just reflecting here, but that's a lesson I need a constant reminder of).
(Well, actually, under "last" I really want to write this: I don't care how many issues he's dealing it, trust me - if he'll hurt you in any way I will search and destroy, PTSD or not).
{loves Shir and all board members}
OH FFS, i'm at work and there was just another pursuit/perimeter/k9 track ending in my front yard. Ok, actually, my neighbor's front yard, but still. I don't know if it's better or worse that I'm here to see all the updates and know what's going on....
How can he know and still take advantage? Isn't that rude?
Yes he is being rude. Deliberately walking over boundaries to see if will be tolerated. If it is tolerated he will cross more boundaries. That is why I advocate pushing back harder. Otherwise good chance he will escalate. Women are brought up to be more reluctant to be rude than men are, especially women are taught to be polite even to people who are being rude to them. Some people, mostly but not only men, take advantage of this.
I agree with what Typo said. He's probably lonely and looking for someone to ease his pain, but if you don't want to be that person, you'd best say so flat out, and he ought to respect it and back off.
My temperature is back down to normal today, so I think I'll just wait until I see the doctor tomorrow.
Hil, I hope you'll feel better.
How can he know and still take advantage? Isn't that rude?
While I agree it's rude, there are several levels of how aware one is to what he knows. There's a big difference between crossing a side street in a red light in a deserted town when you're alone and there's no car around, and deliberately driving into a crowded junction in a red light with your semi trailer at 100mph. Or, an example with humans in it: I (should) know better than unleashing my morbid, twisted and, let's face it, usually offensive sense of humor on innocent strangers, but sometimes I forget that/just walked out of a room full of friends where I could speak more freely. There are a lot of things I know, but not aware to them 100% of the time. And sometimes I will fuck up. Again, taking responsibility on actions and words is the only thing one can do, and if he doesn't acknowledge it, it's a bad sign. (Wrote the one who apologizes at least 2-4 times every month on something horrible she just spat out without thinking).
Oh, and erin - one more thing about PTSD. Trust issues are gonna be there, this way or another. So from his side, it might be trying to test how much he can lean on you.
(I swear I'm not trying to make you run away from this, especially if you like him. Just trying to give general advice. It's really not as scary as it might sound, but I'm living with PTSDed folks since I was born, so what's normal to me might be unbelievably weird for others).
Loves Shir even more, and offers alibi, if needed.
I don't even know if I like this guy yet, it's so wierd, we've only met once, I was totally "meh" and now I feel like i've somehow signed up to be his txt buddy. Makes me want to cut off communication entirely, but then I feel like a bad person being prejudiced against him for the baggage I know is there and never giving a change to actually get to know him. But I wasn't interested before...argh. I feel like a judgey selfish person for not being interested.
Hil, I'd totally wait also, especially if fever is down and you aren't having horrible pain. If the pain does get super bad you can get Azo otc, but it will totally fuck with any lab results, so not a good idea to take it before going to Dr and getting the pee test, otherwise they won't know what to treat.
