Yeah, that's hard, smonster.

So, I'm kinda in a crisis. This weekend was not good and I ticked off more symptoms of depression but kept telling myself I just need to get to Tuesday and my appointment with my new therapist.

Today I woke up and I just I hit a wall I guess. I called Will. I called Mom. I finally called the doctor's office and I have an emergency appointment with someone at 11. I called hte temp agency and said I had a "medical situation" and couldn't return to work and might not be able to tomorrow.

I managed to do that without crying. I called Mom and cried some more and right now I'm trying not to beat myself , feel guilty, or think worst case scenarios or feel like a failure.

It pisses me off. I was doing well, my whole family talked about how well I'm doing and how stable I was and how happy. And it was not mania or hypo mania. It was stability. I want it back.

I'm sorry you're going through this, askye, but also, it sounds like you are doing every single thing exactly right to help yourself in the immediate, and that's really huge. I hope your 11a appointment is good and you get what you need. Wish I had something actually useful to say. Keeping you in my thoughts.

Belated Happy Birthday, Strix!

You're doing so great, askye. The fact that you're here, processing, using your resources, gauging your abilities and responding accordingly is absolutely great.

Yes, it's a setback, but it is not a failure. Keep at the hard work, and hopefully your two professional appointments will get you back pointed the right direction.

I'm sorry you're going through this, askye, but also, it sounds like you are doing every single thing exactly right to help yourself in the immediate

100% agreement.

I really think it is awesome you called the temp agency and told them you need to take care of some medical issues.

askye, what they said; you're doing everything right to take care of yourself. You have a great support system and you're using them. That's amazing and it shows how much progress you really have made.

Absolutely, askye. I know it sucks and it's disheartening, but you are handling this well.

Thanks for all your support it means a lot to me.

I saw the same person I talked to this morning. I guess he's like a crisis counselor. He was really nice and he'd talked to my shrink, who is concerned because I seemed to be doing so well when I was there before. He's also going to talk to my new therapist. She was in session, otherwise he would have introduced us.

Main thing he told me - I'm really hard on myself. This is something I'm hearing a lot lately from different sources so I guess I need to actually pay attention to that.

It was good to talk to him and he helped me get a plan of action: not think about work, cry as much as I need to, and come to my appointment tomorrow. Also we got side tracked, but I think he was encouraging me to watch guilty pleasure tv.

I do need to call the temp agency back but I keep putting that off but I won't put it off for much longer. So that's what I'm doing

askye, brain chemistry is fucked yo. You wouldn't feel guilty if you, say, liver levels messed up and caused you distress.

You're taking the steps you need, and that is HEALTHY. And isn't it so much different than the non-action you might have taken a few years ago? You can get through this, and your counselor sounds very sensible!

All the best to you, dear.